FEELINGS

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photos by patricia

Tears fell on the puzzle as my head bowed. Samuel said, “Go outside and enjoy the day!”

The tears stop. Thinking of a reply to help him understand seems futile, and instead I fervently wish for him to go so that I can have my feelings and release them. So much sadness is yet to come up, sadness’s I learned to squelch. New sadness’s need airing. Feeling feelings is a good thing Samuel.

Upon return from the vet’s I learned Molly has lost a good deal of weight. The tumor behind the eye may have progressed to the lung, or she may have hyperthyroidism. Whichever it is, she is twelve and not feeling well.

My buddy. I have not had a cat I was this close to before and I’ve had lots of cats since childhood, relating to them more closely than any other living being. Molly is more like a puppy-cat following me everywhere. And lately more so. The thought of losing her hurts.

Other sadness’s crop up especially walking the meadow. The first lap brings tears, almost sobs. I look around assuaging my fears that anyone can hear. Both neighbors are working, have your cry.

Now that Chet is dead it seems I think more about what he had done, how much damage. While alive the most I thought about him was what a pathetic life he had; I felt sorry for him and not much more. The tears come for the little girl who feels like someone else…not me.

By lap three my excitement for spring, the green grass and bursting flowers takes over and I go in for my camera. Laying in the dewy grass I snap shot after shot. It feels good to allow tears and sadness, to allow it with no one around to tell me different. It feels good and I feel good, more whole.

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13 thoughts on “FEELINGS

  1. You are such a courageous and strong soul. To explore, experience, feels and releases so much pain from your past is an exhausting experience that often makes me feel emotionally void.

    Your photos are lovely. Drink in that beauty and carry on. Xox

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Its ok to feel sad. I was sad to read that you feared your neighbours might see you cry. We live in a culture that values positive emotions, but sadness is valid, it helps us to mourn losses.
    I have 3 cats, I love them all, they bring such joy, so I am hearing you about Molly.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dearest Grace,

    How beautifully you express your feelings and snap photos. Thank you for sharing both along your life journey. Prayers for Molly . . . our pets are more than pets, indeed dear to our hearts. Prayers for you as you nurture yourself and her.

    Your tags tell me that our rugged life roads are like fraternal twins, and that we are both WARRIOR PRINCESSES, wielding our swords to reclaim what was stolen from our lives, and helping others to do the same.

    Thank you for joining me on my present journey and for giving me the opportunity to join you on yours.

    Prayers and hugs,

    Renee

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Patricia
    I thought of you today while working in flower beds. After being in bed for two years I’m like a child learning to walk with my illness, about a week now. I have broken several decorated clay pots and plan to save until strong enough to use them for a decorated, who knows what? I hope your day is filled with joy and sadness long behind.
    M

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a beautiful note, especially hearing you are outside able to dig in the dirt. That is such very good news.
      My day was filled with joy, thank you so much. There is nothing better than hiding Easter eggs on a warm spring morning.. : )

      Like

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