When thinking my life so odd from others then sadness and loneliness sets in. While walking on this unworldly gorgeous spring day, it occurred to me that my thoughts are making me feel this way.

Let it go. My quiet life is just what is needed. Others may travel by boat, plane, train, or automobile, and spend a lot of time with others in crowds or groups, but that doesn’t mean my life is any less of a life.

Maybe it is not attractive to others, but for me, joy. Gratitude flowed in with the reversal of my thoughts. Oh, what joy right here underfoot with the lush, lush, green grass, soft breezes through my hair, soothing birdsongs like celestial melodies, and the quiet interrupted only by the distant clatter of a train or low flying plane.

Arranging another fresh bouquet of lilacs, the Lily of the Valley have blossomed too, so another bouquet by the sink. The wild honeysuckle are blooming filling me up with their scent walking by. The sights and sounds on this little plot of land are exciting enough and fill me up daily with their splendor.

Oh, how lovely spring is! And oh, how lucky my life is just as it is.


Photos by Patricia

Forsythia’s, daffodils, yellow and bold, the sun adding to their splendor. The chilly morning soon warming to mid-eighties, once again donning a sundress in the heat.

My hands as happy as my heart digging in dirt to plant fresh pansies. Lupin seeds soaking for planting in the morning.

Glorious spring, chasing winter doldrums far, far away…


Photo by Patricia

Strictures within the confines of healthy needs for my body make me feel trapped, rebellious, craving freedom with no restraints.

Ignoring thirst and drinking less due to problems of low blood sodium no one knows why occurred causes a revolt downing an extra can of sparkling water.

That causes an extra trip to the bathroom at night, bam! Negative thoughts cave in along with PTSD- no more sleep past 1 or 2AM. My suspicion is that my nightly struggles are at least partly my fault, and this latest battle might just be that simple, an increase in fluid.

Another daily struggle, as food has always been used to numb out since age 8, is staying under the caloric limit set by myself to maintain weight, or more hopefully lose, the latter not something occurring since Thanksgiving when three pounds were packed on as if making a snowman.  

To act disciplined? That is what fuels self-esteem but tell it to the part that kicks back at authority, wails against hearing ‘no’, and pushes against the prison bars or doing what needs to be done to be healthy.

If you look beyond the willfulness there lies a lonely, desperate child needing love. It goes way back to then, this hole, this need, this craving, the rebellion.

Will some one fill it? Can I? The brutal winter has torn me down like a pool of mop water dirtied and murky.

No answers come from within, only questions with unfulfilled needs. I feel like a seedling hit with frost, a growing interior thwarted by the icy cold.

Latest trail cam photo by the creek where I walk and rest…


Photos by Patricia 9/3/22

Recovering from a simple virus compounded with headache and slight fever, it took my happy away. Camera in hand, down to the meadow I go discovering joy again.

The peace of earth sustains me, flocks of birds getting ready to fly south, startled at my approach, waving grass greening after the rains, a bunny hopping away, and quiet, peaceful quiet settling my mind of its morbid thoughts.


The morning starts out cold, yet when the red glow rose from the hill it called me out with hat, jacket, even gloves. The chill such that breath misted on exhale. In August?

Despite the feelings of lower mood, the usual joy broke forth at the site of little bunny in front of me on the path during the cool, misty, yet bright, early morn.