Often thoughts of value occur while walking in the early morning before dew dries, or the sun fully rises. Peace and harmony descend as my body moves happily, and birds busily build nests while singing.
Wanting what others have, thinking how odd my solitary life is… shouldn’t it be different by doing more to create it to be more like everyone else who moves though groups of people with ease?
Then the realization– that isn’t what’s wanted at all. Years of feeling scared being around most humans just makes me anxious taking a great toll on my health. What I want is what I have, and gratefulness for every little thing fills me.
The lilacs in bloom, snapping off bouquets for the house, the precious aroma stimulating. The big fat bunny always around making me smile, along with that family of silly chipmunks racing around on the patio unperturbed by my quiet presence. The hummingbirds finally back, and the comforting sound of their wings behind me in the quince bush sipping nectar.
Oh so much! It is more than my senses can absorb, filling me with joy. No, don’t be like others, be yourself, give yourself what you need and it’s OK.
As health returns so to does emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being. When gloomy thoughts invade, or the past, or the future, be with NOW feeling my body, noticing the surroundings even in the darkness.
Sticking with now, usually having to repeat the mantra as thoughts drift, brings the moment into me… living it instead of wasting it. It is like meditating while moving.
Your choice, be gloomy or joyful, and when healthy the later is so much easier to choose.
The huge snowstorm predicted overnight did not come…yet. Hunkering next to the stove with the cat too early for most souls, my mind rambles fleeting from one failed relationship to the next.
Failed, or just not compatible? There is a line not to be crossed. After living much of childhood feeling forced- don’t force me. Feeling there are no boundaries, there are some within. Don’t lead me where you want to go, come to me and let’s go together.
Some want control and will use any method even if manipulative, seedy, and behind my back. It is almost an instant recognition on my part, but instead of lauding my gifts at perception, the tendency is to call this immediate draw back from that person failure.
Yes, you can pressure me, but just so far. Start counting your gifts not tearing them down. Try. Keep trying, then try some more.