Photos and mosaics by Patricia
photo by Patricia
A lull. A peace unfounded. Gratitude for what is. The first cup of rich, dark, freshly ground coffee is so much more relished when sitting in silence… not doing. Not writing, reading, or busying myself.
Just sitting. The first feeling is escape. Go do something. Yet an insistence arises that encourages my being to just be still. Something bigger than problems occurs, peace and presence.
The yellow birds come to the finch feeder. A rooster crows in the distance, sounding closer in the early morning dew that must amplify it.
My mind quiets as the warmth of the sun soothes muscles while chasing away the foggy puffs above the meadow now filled with the lace of queens.
As the sun comes over the trees, the patch of meadow filled with its glory lights up like jewels, a treasure stolen if my spirit hadn’t paused to absorb the new day.
Fall is coming, days shorten, and become cooler. But for now, mornings belong to the sun. I will soak it in until darker days come.
Too easily this haven is taken for granted. One day upon returning from another’s home restless feelings waken. While yesterday’s morning was overflowing with gratitude to feel safe, this morning a reminder was needed.
Remember? It can all be gone in an instant. Soak it up. Luxuriate in it. Be still, breathe. Even the dreaded mockingbirds have become friends, though building a nest nearby is not going to happen if there’s a way to avoid it.
The windows are flung open from the air being on all night. Coolness seeps in. Pink hues rise over the eastern horizon as fog lifts from the meadow. What wonders await on this new day…?
The air is still, oh so very still. The sun just peeking behind the trees dewy from the overnight drop in temperature but rising quickly. Like a blanket the moist environment is thick with heat coming quickly as the rays shine through. Bugs bite savoring my skin as if parched on a desert.
Swatting at each one the bumps rise after being bitten. Though lap one was peaceful, now it becomes a job to be done with. The temps are to rise dangerously.
Lord of land in this quiet meadow, but also lord of my thoughts. You choose what to think, and how to be. Yet so often my memories, and grooved ways of being take hold.
Take hold again, progress is being made. Start again- start fresh- start today. Work to be healthy, to feel joy, to be thankful. Be helpful, because that feels so good, my favorite thing to be and do is to delight another.
But it starts with me. How I treat myself is how others will feel when interacting with me so start right here.
Since middle school, or even before, it was others who I longed to be. Looking at another girl my age, how calm she seemed, how centered, or earning an award over my efforts, made me yearn to be her. The peace inside, the naturalness, acceptance.
Now, as I look around at others, (when my state is peaceful) I don’t want to be them, there is peace and comfort inside me. That may change in the next 5 minutes.
But there has been a lull. Sleeping comes in adequate amounts. Days are summery, productive, and when not, the harsh critic can be mostly silenced with, “It’s OK for down time, time enjoyed is not time wasted.”
Doing what is healthy for mind, body and soul are daily goals, not all met on every day, but the attempt is made. And taking out the critic who lashes at what wasn’t done is part of the job.
Acting in ways to others that is in alignment with my beliefs and principles, despite how they may have acted towards me, is satisfying also providing peace. All is right with the world, even when so much is not. Because inside commitments have been made and stuck to.
I have done my part. Yes, you do deserve good things. You do deserve peace in your soul, heart, body and mind.
There is another place, a place of comfort, rest, a place called home. That place run from daily, wanting only escape from it, from feelings awash with anxiety, fear, and abandonment. Yet running is abandonment, and is the fear so great it can’t be handled?
Only with staying will peace come. Only with helping the one running will she ‘stay’ and learn that there is way to be in the body, and be whole. That whatever is rising, like roaring waves on the ocean, can be rode out till the emotional seas calm, a calm more endless than the storm.
Sit. Don’t grab at, do, move or talk, just sit. There is comfort below the chaos. Currents of doubt, insecurities, and terror ride through. In the core lies peace. Look, stay, what lies beneath is deeper, richer, wiser.
You are but a drop of water in the ocean of humanity, the thought came while walking the meadow still sultry from the morning dew. Even out in the beauty of the fields my mind wanders getting stuck on a person or a thought, rolling over it again and again. Wake up!
Snapping back to now, what’s around me comes alive, but my thoughts pull me back time and again. It’s OK. Go to where you need to, even that safe place where the world slips away and nobody can touch you.
Yet the struggle continues, to be present, or be consumed by how this person has hurt me, and what to do. Settling down for a breather after laps are done, ice still in the water bottle, I take a long drink. Plopping it down a drop falls into it. It stopped me. My trivial concerns are a mere speck in the universe, hardly even that.
You are but a drop in the ocean of humanity. Let it go, all the stuff, and reap in the rewards of NOW. Having all that we have, even though we scrimped and saved every penny along the way, which makes it a comfort knowing we can manage with both of us retired, should make me happy and appreciative. Appreciative, yes, happy?
Too often thoughts ravage my mind. The beauty around me is lost. Come back to now. See the splendor, dissolve into it. Still the body, the thoughts, the ever too busy mind. And then it happens. Stillness. And peace. Sitting a long while on the patio, Samuel joins me.
We notice new flowers blooming as others fade. A hummingbird visits back and forth to the feeder only a few feet away. Birds sip on the birdbath nearby. We don’t have to go anywhere for excitement, it’s right here in our backyard, wherever you are in the present moment. Be alive. Be where you are.