You’re OK Just as You Are!

PHOTOS BY PATRICIA

Often thoughts of value occur while walking in the early morning before dew dries, or the sun fully rises. Peace and harmony descend as my body moves happily, and birds busily build nests while singing.

Wanting what others have, thinking how odd my solitary life is… shouldn’t it be different by doing more to create it to be more like everyone else who moves though groups of people with ease?

Then the realization– that isn’t what’s wanted at all. Years of feeling scared being around most humans just makes me anxious taking a great toll on my health. What I want is what I have, and gratefulness for every little thing fills me.

The lilacs in bloom, snapping off bouquets for the house, the precious aroma stimulating. The big fat bunny always around making me smile, along with that family of silly chipmunks racing around on the patio unperturbed by my quiet presence. The hummingbirds finally back, and the comforting sound of their wings behind me in the quince bush sipping nectar.

Oh so much! It is more than my senses can absorb, filling me with joy. No, don’t be like others, be yourself, give yourself what you need and it’s OK.

QUINCE BUSH

OVERNIGHT VISIT

My granddaughter, Cindy 9, spent the night and we had such fun together! We made tiny Easter baskets from cut up egg cartons, painting them one night so they dry by the fire, decorating them the next morning hardly one second after she rolls out of bed.

We made Easter bunnies out of toilet paper rolls, and colored huge eggs with markers that I previously had printed off on colored paper, then added sparkly stick-on adornments.

The morning flies by and she has so many goodies to take home and decorate with.

SNOW ANGEL

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.

D.H. Lawrence

Out before hardly any light, even the birds were startled from their nests in the pines while my boots trudged by in over a foot of fresh snow that keeps falling. My heart was pumping so much one lap was as if twenty!

And then? Dropping down flat looking up at the early morning dark blue against white, a snow angel. Not the best, but mine.

CHRISTMAS FUN

After glittering my own grapevine wreath, it seemed only fair to offer the same prep work to my women friends coming Sunday. Oh, what a project, with glittery floors tramped around leaving sparkles all over the house!

Wiping a few off my eyelids, it is with satisfactory pleasure because crafting of any kind brings peace and warmth. And each wreath is glittered with loving thoughts about the friend it is for and how much delight she will have decorating it.

And hopefully she will know just how much she means to me, the making of the wreath after collecting the vines, twirling the vines in the light rain because moisture is needed to manipulate them. Then, more pleasure than work, walking among the pines we planted to collect pinecones, the branches softly brushing my arm as if to say, ‘hello friend.’

And the extensive time and mess! Glue dripping all over the table in globs after painting it on thick so the glitter will stick, then a clear overcoat so that they won’t have glitter all over their own houses. The area around the stove where they dried still sparkling from glitter remnants.

Such fun readying for Christmas, maybe more fun than the event itself.

Friends Are Family

Preparations for an upcoming gathering of women friends includes the offering of grapevine wreaths to decorate that were made earlier when cutting down the vines so that they are trimmed for next year’s growth. Pinecones from trees we planted were gathered, dried, then sparkled as if snowy.

Unable to stop myself, mine is decorated which frees me up to help others if needed. This gathering of women friends over the years has sustained me in so many ways.

Without the taboo of talking about my real life, and without the stigma that seals my lips and makes me phony so that you will be comfortable, I can be myself. I can also accept real love and caring from those whose own self-worth isn’t caught up with the secrets of the past.

I can be who I am, and who I could ever be with their loving encouragement, daring to test my wings then fly.

They know what happened to me and don’t keep me silent about it. Which means no push to want to. It’s only when you silence me that I want and need to speak. It’s only when you deny my truth that truth needs to be told.

Family are friends, friends became family.