Be in the Body

photo by Patricia

Tap- tap- tap, from the woodpecker in the dead tree. Then a warble of melodies from the mockingbird as it follows me down the meadow to the creek, our resident guard bird. After walking five laps in the meadow the pleasurable award is sitting by creek absorbing nature and its inhabitants. Many surprises await. 

Red-winged blackbirds, bright yellow finches, a cardinal highlighted in the greenery of leaves, and a pair of muskrats swimming back and forth leaving small wakes behind them. The shy heron unaware of my presence spreads its wide wings floating the air current then rests at the creek’s edge close-by stone still. Like a statue it gazes at the water it awaiting fish for its dinner. Frogs burp their deep basses, as the brown duck flies away in surprise. 

My body fully relaxes as if meditating. Usually it is held tight in defense of what awaits. Alone in nature or while meditating it unwinds completely including internal organs. Nature with those moments of peace and safety is restorative.

The meadow, once filled with daisies and buttercups has transformed into a blanket of yellow mustard and matching wild-flowers. Hickory nuts crunch underfoot as a vibrant leaf falls golden tinged with a red-orange hue. The cool night left a thick dew and everything glitters. The landscape shimmers as the breeze tickles the greenery making the diamonds dance. My senses become over-loaded with beauty unable to take it all in. Gratitude fills my heart along with love for life. 

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A period of grace…

photos by patricia

Sleep comes night after night most nights. This new bliss is welcomed. The quiet peace of morning is so still that hummingbird wings are the only interruption other than the soft buzz of insects ever present in the background along with the low cooing of a dove.

The red banded hummer perches on the clematis vine overseeing the feeder. I sit nearby sipping coffee warmed by the sun. Golden rays splash down in beams through the thick trees onto the meadow.

Peace and tranquility reign in this little bit of paradise…

PTSD BRAIN

photos by patricia

The mornings feel like fall, cool, damp and with a wet echo-like sound from cars in the distance. Contentment found easily dissolves even from little things. A disruptive thought repeatedly bangs in my head as it rests on the pillow awaiting sleep.

Hopping out of bed to rant at Samuel over not enough to do so over seemed the only remedy. Expelling the vomit did help though left us both feeling bruised. Going to bed a bit later, sleep, blessed sleep came. He hadn’t gotten so upset that his sleep was interrupted and that soothed me.

Part of keeping a contented equilibrium is choice yet the PTSD brain can go haywire without my permission. Little things can set it off. Control what can be controlled, let go of the rest…