A Time of Peace

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Maybe the sluggishness of shorter days makes me reach for the second cup of the deep, dark brew, usually consumed later in the day. Savoring the freshly ground coffee the sun dips over the trees slowly warming the cool 47 degree morning. 

It is a good time to naturally soak in full spectrum light from the sun’s rays instead of electrically. Sit, sip, and soak it in. Notice my body, relax my shoulders, not do, do, do. Do nothing, just sip the luscious black liquid and feel. No running. Accept all that is there.

The tiny fountain sprinkles a waterfall gently adding calm as the echo of a train whispers in the distance. The cat perks her ears running to the screen wanting to snare the chipmunk skittering by on the patio.

What is inside? Go there, do not fear it, be. After a life of buzzing erratically, the feeling of wrongness so deep it made me sizzle with angst, self-loathing, and a tremor of terror without end, this period of grace is welcomed. Without bitterness for what was, the intent is to fully let in the peaceful beauty of now.

The field brings joy each day as my need for movement drives me out to walk. My need to calm a too busy mind takes me in for meditation lying flat on the bed. Turning on the white noise device with a timer, crickets chirp adding to the chorus of crickets still chirping outside. The kitty kneads a place on my tummy finally curling up for the usual one half hour, her body offering warmth and comfort. 

These are the things for body and mind. All the rest is frosting on the cake. That these luxuries exist now are gifts received with gratitude, thankfulness, and relief. After a wearing life the repose is relished. The demons of bitterness, hate, and judgement have been cast out from time not intent. Love growing for what lay within took its place. Peace reigns.  

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HAPPY PLACES

photos by Patricia

A lower mood descends as it usually does this time of year, like a shroud until the sun moves back, and longer days return. But it is controllable under most circumstances, and accepted for being how it is for me.

If not sucking up early rays on the patio to induce happy chemicals into my brain, then the full-spectrum lights can be used, adding to the ever expanding self- care list for an aging body.

Peace still reigns, even as the heavier mood washes into me to stay for winter. So much to be grateful for, so much to enjoy, and allow into my being each day.

Walking the meadow in its array of yellows, dotted with purple, white, and glorious butterflies, my mind drifts to sad things of the past. NO! Stay with now. Take in the moment, it won’t come again, and the moments are counted. There are only so many.

Happily I was able to re-direct my self to the present, and stay there. Time after lap 5 is rewarded by resting creek side. There the silence enveloped me, as splashes in the pooling area under the willow meant carp were searching for bugs underneath.

After the calming period, my internal tempo centered, the walk back up to the house completed the graceful respite. A time of reflection, centering and wholeness that nature gives freely if one absorbs it. Thank you….

 

JOY

“Thank you for your courage in making the trip,” Cory said.

I nodded somewhat, not usually taking in positivity easily.

Making the decision and sticking to it did take courage, especially after the week prior when speaking up for myself at the eye doctor’s, which drained me completely.

Making the 5 + hour drive also took creativity. Doubling up the medication accompanied with falling into a light slumber, which also meant keeping my eyes closed, did the trick. If my eyes opened to see the traffic my body immediately tensed.

Falling back into my routine at home is taking some time. Feeling out of place, the routines don’t seem to fit. But each day the deep core of my center is rediscovering the joy of the meadow, along with the sun’s movement, moon’s phases, and starry nights.

The joy of the moment, lost in the shuffle. Lost in the quiet of home which once brought solace. But memories of happy chirping from a two year old on my lap singing her songs, and chattering on with her delightful, entertaining ways, are making the sudden isolation harder to accept.

But all is well. There’s no place like home.

 

Overcoming Obstacles

photo by Cory

And so our stay comes to a close, and an early departure today is planned. Five nights away, and each night sleep came. For that, thankfulness.

Perhaps Samuel and Cory’s trip to the apothecary, now legal in Massachusetts to sell marijuana infused oil, foods, and smokeables, was the tonic needed. Fairly tripping on a few puffs from the pipe, my choice is to stick with oil onto the membranes of the mouth, or in a decaf or soda. 

Or maybe it was because Cory went out of his way to insure my comfort and well-being were a priority. 

 

ADVENTURE

And so it is on again. After a weekend where my chest radiated a thin veil of remorse after the decision not to travel to Massachusetts to see my son, Monday morning when he called I heard my lips speak.

“Can we still come?” I asked feebly.

And so it is arranged.

Hurdles to tackle, this morning’s eye exam at an office farther into the city, and tomorrow’s 6 hour drive. Once calming after meeting the surgeon, with feelings of success for advocating for my needs, the peace of routine settled back into my bones.

Perhaps another challenge can be taken on. Like walking on rocks, rests in-between are needed, but the excitement of adventure pulls at me once again.

I’d like to thank How Far for help in tackling this. One of her posts told the story of taking on a challenge, also including busy highways. With humor she outlines the terrors and successes experienced.

That feeling of success at conquering a fear (terror) is worth the effort if it can be done without causing damage to the body. Therein lies the rub. Forcing won’t work. Taking on what can be managed, that is the way.

 

DEEP PEACE

Since middle school, or even before, it was others who I longed to be. Looking at another girl my age, how calm she seemed, how centered, or earning an award over my efforts, made me yearn to be her. The peace inside, the naturalness, acceptance.

Now, as I look around at others, (when my state is peaceful) I don’t want to be them, there is peace and comfort inside me. That may change in the next 5 minutes.

But there has been a lull. Sleeping comes in adequate amounts. Days are summery, productive, and when not, the harsh critic can be mostly silenced with, “It’s OK for down time, time enjoyed is not time wasted.”

Doing what is healthy for mind, body and soul are daily goals, not all met on every day, but the attempt is made. And taking out the critic who lashes at what wasn’t done is part of the job.

Acting in ways to others that is in alignment with my beliefs and principles, despite how they may have acted towards me, is satisfying also providing peace. All is right with the world, even when so much is not. Because inside commitments have been made and stuck to.

I have done my part. Yes, you do deserve good things. You do deserve peace in your soul, heart, body and mind.

41st ANNIVERSARY

To celebrate we explored the Outlet Trail in the  Great Lakes Area.  It was on the news one night by a photographer who loves to get out and about.  He neglected to share how difficult it might be to find.

Though tricky we lucked out by getting directions from a hiker, and managed to come upon the biggest waterfall of many where an old mill used to be. Finding the right spot really took the stars being aligned… Then out to eat al fresco!