PATIENCE

Patience is not my forte’, it never was. So reminders help. I assess the week and instead of feeling bad or haranguing myself over the times I ate out of habitual numbing, it can be phrased in a different context. There were more successes than not.

Instead of using the harsh word ‘failure,’ the truth is that there were occasions where the connection got lost between body, mind and heart. The motorized patterns were given permission to take over. I allowed that, I can forgive it and go on. That urge in place since age 8 when the pattern erupted out of a need to survive will not be an urge that suddenly goes away. It will need management daily every day.

That is something Mary Tyler Moore said about her alcoholism, that it must be faced and managed every day. Food is my numbing agent that also has disastrous effects. Unfortunately my natural tendency is to think of the negative and imagine the worst. Over time that can soften and shift by chipping away at the old habits and thoughts. Allowing for patience in the process provides comfort and love…