Leaving home for a massage then stopping at Dollar Stores then Walmart was a nice change, but the things I now do daily for myself consume my time. At the end of day I only had one cup of water and woke up parched and bit dizzy. An older body, at least mine, is very sensitive to change and proper care. It is easily remedied but it also confirms that being at home, loving my nest, is also a healthy way for me to live. I feel more relaxed, hence more connected to my internal workings… spiritual and physically.
I live so differently, even over the past few months, constantly changing even as it seems I mostly stay in one place. I live less through my head, not thinking about needs but responding to them as they rise from an ethereal place. That place has no body yet is part of it and also connected to the universe. Yet it is me, mine and unique. Responding to that source is fluid and ever-changing. It is not something to be thought about but felt.
What an odd way to exist- never knowing, yet living more fully and real than ever before. Whole. Using the soul parts I was so afraid of, so protective of that even I couldn’t connect. Now I can, I dare to. Once robbed of all that is external, the fortress protects what is left. But the locks kept me from my own depths. I never knew who ‘she’ was, who I am.
When I go about my days with caring for ‘self’ I connect. I listen to the birds on my walks, letting their sounds sooth me. More have come back even though it is early. I sit by the water now frozen and just ‘be.’ My body unwinds as the cold begins to seep in and the sweat on my back dries. It is time to trudge back. I have given my body what it needed. Sweating excretes toxins and even on the coldest days I sweat during my walks.
The body, mind and soul, especially one once shattered into a million shards needs mindful care and attention. It took time, persistence and patience, but the parts come together stronger…maybe not as they once were, but the ones needed are there.
I am not broken. I was once shattered but now I am found.