DANGEROUS PEOPLE

After the socially distant impromptu get-together at Seth’s, the week was difficult. One sister-in-law brought up Tom’s name, and she did so after we’d had friction over her bringing him up to me over a year ago.

It isn’t asking a lot that these people called ‘family’ not discuss him. My attendance is once yearly or less. But she did as if my presence didn’t matter at all. That caused more than a week of feeling pierced in my core away from myself– numb.

Eventually tears came, then came more. Family, real family, would not bring up the name of a person who abused me so horribly then spent the rest of my life making me pay for it with disparaging remarks and put-downs around others. His damaging treatment all the years after his crime caused the greatest harm.

And no one bothers to respect that buddying up with my abuser, acting like nothing ever happened, wounds as much as the original attack.

What at first seemed like a happy gathering for the first time in a long time, caused deep pain. Forgetting how interactions of any kind in the hope for authentic acknowledgment always has painful repercussions. These people called family are dangerous… all of them.

 

6 thoughts on “DANGEROUS PEOPLE

  1. Real family are the people who love and respect us, who let us allow them in. But still it is so hard, because we were made to be born into real families and when we aren’t it leaves a huge wound that our chosen families can’t always fill. It must be so painful for you, to have a moment that things are going well, and then to be disregarded again. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the kind comment which offers true understanding and compassion. Your thoughtful words made my eyes tear up. Being fully understood is a rare, needed, and precious occurrence.

      Like

  2. Hugs. I hope that’s ok to say that. Yes, it can hurt as much as the original attack.
    With this still not being respected, do you think its worth avoiding them full stop. Or are you not able to? Like as in you are meeting someone else, connected.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate the hug. and yes, it is a good idea to stay away. I say that every time.
      What is also odd is this sister-in-law had terrible things done to her by her grand-father. That’s all my brother told me, so whether sexual abuse or physical I don’t know. But I suspect sexual.
      And she has taken up meditation in the last several years, so it strikes me as odd that she can be so insensitive and hurtful in her remarks unless there’s some jealously about my progress with my own journey. She just can’t be that stupid.
      But your comment which is so full of true understanding and kindness is just the balm I need. Thank you!

      Like

      1. You’re welcome.

        It makes you wonder whats going on with your sister-in-law, but I think whatever happened to her, you have not received the sensitivity that you need.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s