LIGHT

Railing at the changing seasons equates to less joy. Adjustments are required as the days grow shorter wondering- is it imagined? There was hope to avoid it for once, but that’s not happening. It is real, waking in the night more often with dark thoughts about the past, or trying to fall asleep with warning bells going off fearing my entire soul is fraught with maliciousness.

Stop. Breathe, you’re OK. It is just the onset of autumn, and you know what that does to your thinking. Self talk is crucial for my thoughts as dark as the shorter days.Time to double up on the usual work as my mind is as heavy as my leaden feet in the path, dragging them step by step, each lap a struggle through the heaviness. 

Welcome fall. Out come pumpkin, cinnamon, and apple scented candles for the warmer, along with creams and essential oils to enjoy which also embrace fall. Apples in the hallway Samuel picked off the tree a week ago are finally dragged into the kitchen to make applesauce.

The bubbly pink sauce is sprinkled with cinnamon, but my blunted senses hardly notice. It is difficult to stay in my body and go deep afraid of the negativity welling up. But go there, then stay, that’s the answer. Do what brings pleasure, just look at the meadow once dancing with buttercups and daisies now yellow with mustard. The changing hues swap color as the seasons change. 

Birds chatter en masse in the hickory trees, then a swell suddenly forms in a cloud flying in group formation, dipping like an out of control roller coaster, then gone leaving silence behind. Just be… absorb what’s there, find the light. Pick a bouquet of sunflowers and zinnias. There is beauty, let it in. Breathe deep, relax.

 

10 thoughts on “LIGHT

  1. Mmm. I love making applesauce. When my son was little, we’d join his grandma in picking apples and I’d make applesauce. One year I discovered putting lavender buds in (and then milling them out) and the flavor is so yummy! Just wish I had the energy to make some. One day again…

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      1. Thanks. With the lavender, I cheat and buy culinary lavender buds at a local food coop (organic foods mostly). They have it in the bulk herb section. If you harvest your own, be sure to get the buds before they flower. Sometimes I’ll buy a big container of plain, unsweetened applesauce and put about a tablespoon of buds into a cheesecloth bundle or my big teaball, and simmer it for about 20-30 minutes.

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    1. Thank you, I will try to rub that in. Ever feel that when others wish you well, the sentiment is too often disregarded? I do it all too much. My curiosity about it comes up with the thought that after living a life very much on my own in terms of the traumas that were stuffed underground, the belief is that others don’t care, don’t want to know, and if saying something kind can’t possibly mean. If they did, they would have stepped in.
      So it takes a life’s work to learn that there ARE others who truly care.
      Light and peace… I shall keep that in mind today… : ) and all the days forward.

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  2. Yes I know I’ve been thinking lately how I push people away inadvertently because getting too close means letting them in and that means potential hurt. After all the trauma as you say, ones worldview changes at the very core and it colours the way we see ourselves and others. Learning to trust in the goodness of people and really allowing it in is a long long journey. At least that’s how I feel. Sending you a warm heartfelt hug from across the pond 🤗🌷💐

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    1. a life-long journey, and one with doubtful results in my case.
      It bothers me as if I’m still doing it, which I probably am, I’m doing it without conscious awareness. Early on it became a survival mechanism structured within my very cells.
      All this getting to know myself, but how much of me do I really know?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Set early! Anyway, we would pick apples and beg my grandma to make applesauce with us 😊
    The changing seasons are so hard. I live in the north/Midwest of the US, and I think that makes a difference, too. We get so little sun in the winter and the days get short so fast…ugh. This year, hubby says he will bring my outdoor swing /hammock chairs inside and we are going to make a “tropical get away”in the extra space in our bedroom for Kat and I. Hubby ordered one of those SAD lamps for her and I. I’m hoping it helps. Have you tried those lights before?

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