Good-Byes

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When god closes a door,

She opens a window…

My friend is moving. I figured I could bypass the grief of her moving by not visiting her shell of a house one last time. She and her husband have moved much of their belongings already to the other half of the house where her daughter moved with her husband and two children. My husband says, “Be happy for her.” 

And I am. I try not to cry over her loss. No more three hour visits that pass like 5 minutes sitting happily down by the creek or nestled next to the fire.  When Raymond left he said, “Come back, You need closure.” 

So I did, one more time. And I will see my friend too, one more time in the home she has always been in, close to me. The next time will be in a new state, 5 hours away.  So visits which weren’t that often anyway, maybe every 3 months or so, yet still precious to me, will become yearly. Who knows, maybe more. 

God opens windows if one notices. My friend Sue, died two years ago. She was only 67 and these days that’s not old. Nancy came into my path during that time. A sister-in-law who lived in California moved close and we connected after all these years too. So yes, I’m grateful, and happy. I do notice that after the death of my dearest friend, god, the universe, opened her windows and gave me more gifts. And Nancy has not died, she can be with her daughter and family, enjoying those grand-children every single day. Yet the tears I’ve been holding finally fall.

She gave me a very old frame while cleaning out her house. I will make her a mosaic for the next time we visit in the new home. And during all those hours making the piece, I will feel her close-by, with me.

I don’t have a lot of friends, but one of the closest, Mary, told me once, “All’s you need is one.” So when I’m down and thinking about those who just seem to draw others to them, I remember, ‘All’s you need is one.’ 

I want to add, the loss of Sue and Nancy move me so because they are the only two women friends I became intimate with that also suffered sexual abuse as children. Yet they worked as I did to raise functional families. So they know, really know, how hard that is, and what a toll childhood sexual abuse takes on one’s entire being. The loss is substantial. Yet because of them, I know how it feels to truly love.  

I ask why? Why have both women come into my life only in the last five years or so? Why so late in my life, and why such brief friendships, then taken away? And I say say, “Thank you.” Thank you for the gift of knowing them and feeling what love and being loved feels like.  

24 thoughts on “Good-Byes

  1. It is so sad to lose true friends. On the other hand, it seems hopeful that you made such good friends in the last five years. I too long for a close female friend – there’s no substitute. And location does make a difference, unfortunately. I hope for you someone new arrives in your life that you can also care about.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Patricia, I’m so very sorry for your losses. Friendship is such a precious gift, especially when those friends truly understand your pain and the journey toward healing. I actually don’t have such a friend in my world, and never have. The couple of girlfriends that I did open up to, ended up avoiding me afterward. I think I made them uncomfortable – they didn’t understand, and didn’t know what to say. I had a great counsellor once – we were really making progress. Then he had to move to help family. I was devastated. Why would God bring someone so helpful to me, but move him away just as we were making progress? I was upset, but I made the choice to believe that God is good, that he loves me, and that he has a good plan for my life. I choose to trust that when that door was closed, a new window of opportunity would open. That doesn’t mean the new plan is easy or pain-free. But good can come even from the most difficult of circumstances.
    Blessings dear one,
    Kamea

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I only have one friend, and I believe the friends I did have over the years grew tired of my depression woes, even though they were related to PTSD (childhood sexual abuse). It’s lonely and isolated, yet at least I have my blog as it give me a purpose. So sorry about your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like that you stopped by, not that you experience loneliness or isolation. I feel close with many people on-line. I failed to mention that in this post. The closeness with some feels as close as those I’ve known in person. And more than once, comments hit home and brought tears to my eyes.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I am sorry Patricia for the distance you will now have from your dear friend, but hopefully you will be able to meet more than you expect.

    I understand how hard it is. I have always longed for a best friend. Reading your post and the replies really demonstrates how hard it is for survivors to have and keep friends. Of course there are certain things you cant control and that goes for everyone. But for survivors of trauma there are so many more issues at hand. The profound loneliness and the difficulties in sharing our pain with someone we trust. I have always felt like an outsider maybe only with my husband did I find an unparallled closeness but he hurt me too.

    I do believe though that you will continue to draw and attract good friends into your life. The world is full of good people like you and you have so much to give.

    take care my friend and don’t be hard on yourself, allow yourself the space and time to grieve.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much. One can only be sure of one thing- change.
      I’ve never been good at separation or good-byes. I’d rather pretend it isn’t happening at all, like she is there close-by. But I’ll be a big girl, and soon be on my way for one last chat.

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  5. I am sorry you are in the middle of some transitions with friends. I live a very secluded life but have developed a new relationship with a friend. We have similar stories. I am looking forward to seeing where the relationship goes.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I so relate and understand your post, I’ve never had a friend who shared my story or understood the difficulties inherent in the sexual abuse side of my story but those who gave me understanding and love while they were in my life. I’m a military spouse, so making friends is so hard and then the inevitable goodbye happens. In the last year, I’ve lost 2 of my closest friends due to their husbands retiring and moving out of state across the country and with my husband being just 2 years from retirement it seems easier just stay closed off, it’s often what is most comfortable for me anyway. Wishing you so much peace and hope for you in finding greater ways to connect with your friend despite the distance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have been subscribed to your blog since I began my first blog here detailing my story several years ago, I am starting over now hopefully finding a bit of a new voice with which to tell my story. I find your voice so moving and so relatable on many levels and I’ve been working on doing the inner work to try to finally find a peace inside myself that I’ve been needing for so long. Your struggles inspire me to continue down the path I’m working on and I very much admire you and have been playing a bit of catch up since I haven’t been on this site regularly in so long. Thank you for your inspiration and your kind words. You are so very brave.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am deeply touched by your kind words. Thank you seems less than enough!
        I felt you were someone I’d like to know better and visited your blog but it was protected. I respect that.
        I hope peace fills your being very soon,,. it is a lot of work!

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