MAJESTY

PHOTO BY PATRICIA

Sobbing to Samuel, “I fucked up my body.”

“It’s OK. You can go back down,” he responded compassionately.

At a month video check-up with my doctor, the newly added Zoloft was such a success my thought was more is better, so pushed for a higher dose which made me nauseous and shaky.

Sending her an inner office note she responded quite quickly that it was safe to go back down to 25mg, which is good because that was my intention for that evenings dose.

The little tweak of an anti-depressant added to my medications has allowed for a dramatic increase in my ability to sleep.

Unfortunately, being HUMAN, a mistake was made by asking for more. More is not always better. And if kindness were to be extended to myself, is it so wrong to want good sleep? No.

The harshness bestowed on me, by me, is here to stay, along with daily anxiety. And these things will continue to challenge me and need focus daily.

Life isn’t easy for anyone, but with acceptance of its challenges, the beauty can also be enjoyed. And the beauty as spring unfolds is quite stupendous.

My walks to the creek along the large singing pines brings new delights daily. You never know what splendors will come.

One day three pileated woodpeckers swooped onto the dead tree near-by. They are about a foot long.

The shy heron gracefully landed, also near-by unaware of my presence, and looked for her meal in the water as I stared in wonder.

Our muskrat living in the mud-hole along the creek bank swam by. The bluebirds have taken up residence in the birdhouse at the edge of the water, their brilliant blue backs lighting up in the sunlight.

Each walk in the meadow is an exploration.