photo by Patricia
Time to get your big girl pants on. Maybe you don’t need to be victim to your feelings. Maybe, to a degree, you can decide how to feel, or at least manage to concentrate on which feeling takes priority.
Cory, my youngest of two sons, left with his family back to Boston yesterday morning. In the past, Cory’s leaving caused a hole so wide it devastated me, making me want to run. The pain was too great lasting a few days.
It lessons as each year passes, and my interior world opens up with a feeling of home inside myself. I feel lucky and blessed to have such a son and his beautiful family— yet the blue feeling so familiar persisted when he left home once again.
Working at not feeling a feeling doesn’t help much. Methods used to move past the pain were many; calling a friend, emailing another friend, calling Cory on his journey home, talking to Samuel about my feelings, along with keeping very busy taking down Christmas decorations, doing dishes, laundry, vacuuming…nothing helped.
When sitting still the feeling became sharp, scraping uncomfortably on the inside of my belly and chest like little claws dragging their nails inside me. So I became a whirlwind of domesticity, but still no relief.
Feel your feelings, they will pass. You ought to be happy, Stop it, you’re being silly. None of these helped or gave the immediate relief demanded. Later in the afternoon a soft voice arose, only you can comfort yourself, no one else. There it was, the answer all along, and with it the soothing yearned for. A hot shower streaming down washed residual pain away.
It is a good thing to reach out and talk about feelings, yet the answer lies within as it always has. You are the world possessing the ultimate ability to help yourself. You just don’t know it until you do.