PTSD

A sleep aid should not be necessary only three nights after needing the last one. . My body turns hyper so easily. When trying to wind down to drift off to sleep, one thought will wake up my entire being. The only alternative is getting up. Frustrated, watching TV till the aid takes effect, disgust arises at being me, stuck with a body that won’t cooperate. 

The next morning, more helpful self-talk returns. How do you nurture a person with so many challenges? A better mother than my own steps in and helps. Slowly, you must take things slowly at your own pace. If that means making yourself still so your mind can calm, that’s OK. 

The way my life needs to be led is not the American way of go, go, go. It is stay, stay, stay. Stay with your feelings, thoughts, and body. When my body goes about its day without the other components, sleep won’t come.

It is only when all facets of my being live the day together that relaxation comes with sleep at night. Trying to be like others who think nothing of constant busyness does not work. My worn out body needs much rest, along with my spirit, mind and soul.

Living a life where none of the traumas of childhood were allowed voice caused more damage than the all the abuse. It is the stuffing of the horrors in my little child body, which grew with it all inside, all on my own, that caused life-long damage. This is a fact that needs acceptance over and over again, because I still cling to it being different than it is. 

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