Are You Who They Say?

Perceiving how others see me, doesn’t mean that’s who resides within. It is my own understanding of myself that matters- that is true and authentic. If others can’t bother to take the time to really know me, it is their loss. And not many do.

But the ones that do? Are close for life no matter how far away in the physical realm, they remain close in soul. Time on the land and with myself has offered a view into how others see me.

The problem that arises from that is taking that perception as the truth. Looking deeper within, the slights they perceive don’t exist. The being internally is far better than that. But the habit for decades is to see the truth how others see it who are not out for my best interests, though say they are.

So easy to believe the worst of myself. Much harder to see the beauty, grace, and honesty. There are true friends who have tried to tell me that, choosing instead not to see it, longing for acceptance in places where it never comes. But the only place that matters is within.

Don’t you see? Look, and you shall see the truth, the beauty, grace, and honesty. A lifetime of living like a dinghy on rough waters, rocking to and fro, seeing myself as others do, others that are looking out for their own needs, not mine.

It is a new adventure to look at the truth like a flower in my hand and inspect the uniqueness in all its flawed splendor.

HOLD ON

In the lull between winter and spring, when the weather is so changeable, my feelings are too. Down, up, and in-between. Out of sorts like the weather, liking it more when things calm down and stay that way.

Spring will burst forth along with feelings that also feel bursting. Until then hunker down a bit more before the fire to watch the flames lick up like hungry red tongues and enjoy what is a bit longer.

Soon we will finally be safe to take a trip to see our grand-baby for the first time in person. Samuel sat at the computer one night last week finding us appointments for our vaccines after my many attempts with less success.

And it looks like we are on the way out of this mess, but still must hold on for a bit longer. It is hard, this ‘holding on.’ Yet in the quietness of less to go and do, there are thoughts of just how clever and innovative the human race is.

Although there is much evil abounding in the X-President and those in his cult, there are as many or more that serenely go about their business with integrity, honesty and compassion. We just don’t hear as much about that. But it is alive in the creation of vaccines, and in so many other things.

Hold on, hold on, hold on…