The day yawns before me, wondering how to fill it. Shoulders tense as usual, along with all other body parts including internal ones. This discovery is new. Becoming acquainted with my body is an experience ongoing, and only beginning recently when staying in it longer than two seconds occurs.
Strange? Not strange. Leaving my body, residing in the safe neverland of another dimension has been my usual. When growing up in a house where monsters live, and may creep into my bedroom at any moment, suffocating me with their bodies, the tenseness of facing life each day hyper-stimulates, and stiffens all body parts. My life was in danger every day, and has felt that way ever since. Knowing no different it is a revelation to feel what has been there all along.
Each day met with tenseness reaching into every sinew, organ, and system. The warmth of the patio unwinds things, as the hummingbirds zip past my head almost shaving my hair while they zoom by to the feeder. A tiny baby bunny comes out from behind the woodpile under the little deck where it’s nest must be. Then bunny number two, so cute as they begin their day hopping onto the grass chasing each other.
Chipmunks run past my feet, looking up at me, staring till I say, ‘hi,’ then scurrying away, only to run past again, and again. Bees sip at nectar too, while birds splash in the freshly filled bath nearby.
The pool waters relax my body unusually so. My poor constricted colon, ‘tortuous’ the gastroenterologist described it as even relaxes requiring a trip to the bathroom. Wow. My poor body.
Trying to keep up with others left my true challenges a secret to me. Poor health occurs from that. With more care towards myself, and time each morning to pay attention without running, the day can be greeted with more hope even if not with great vigor.
Taking what energy is there and moving with caution reserves it for what is important. The toll taken early on has been greatly underestimated and not given the proper attention, love, and care… until now.