C-PTSD

The chronic PTSD, like a hidden lurking scary intruder melded into my wiring, takes off without permission. When my new computer, only 8 months old, went capooey once again only after a few weeks since the last time, my stress level rose. and the C-PTSD invader took over. The thought of talking to that fast talking guy in India again with the thick accent, so thick no one could understand him, my body went places beyond my control.

Not a good thing later in the day when winding down is so critical to a good night’s sleep. It dosen’t take much to set off the alarm bells, despite my mind saying this is NOT a disaster. There are far worse things. Knowing this to be true did not stop the rockets from setting off. They already went off.

Up after midnight, the best help is being off Xanax. The experts do have some knowledge. Leave the bed if not sleeping. (instead of laying there 3 hours, then getting up) So after a second try back in bed, sleep came. Not as lengthy as usual, but enough.

Then a Buddha post (THE BUDDHA MIND) about taking pain with pleasure the following morning. Sometimes one receives just what is needed. Like a horse and carriage, you can’t have one without the other. Without the grogginess left behind from Xanax, an uplift in spirits took hold.

First, a son who had gotten back on my computer remotely after trying to help me earlier despite three children under 5 running around getting ready for the night-time routine. He did have to leave to attend to them, yet after the children were put to bed, and after I did too, he got back into my computer as the connection was still open.

What a son. The next morning my surprise filled me with gratitude. No more sobbing on the phone with the guy from India. Last time that’s exactly what happened; the stress of a new device not working, then the dreaded voice of someone in another country that cannot be understood talking fast caused my body to sense DANGER, then the automatic take off.

Thank you Cory, dear son.

The new regime of not using a narcotic, but instead a tiny amount of pot oil mixed with pure CBD oil, along with Melatonin (the Doc says 10mg is safe) – is working! Not perfectly, but a great improvement. As the Buddha post reminded me; good with the not so good, pleasure with pain.

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