One night sleep, the next awake at 3AM. Giving an hour for a return to slumber, that torture was abandoned for an early rise, a VERY early rise.

My mind wouldn’t slow down about all the things to improve, all the failures or missteps, or misunderstandings. Because many upset relationships, or the failure to move closer for more sustenance are because people do not talk about their feelings. They are played out theatrically by those shallow enough to act that way.

So up, let the cat out of her room, and begin my day. My body isn’t healing fast, but each day there are noticeable improvements. The feelings after lying there in my pillow are, ‘get your shit together.’

Winter is dooming me, drowning me, making me go back to the days when everything about myself is questioned and scorned- with confidence below zero like the weather. Get a grip!

Warm summer days, grassy meadows, and sunlight… dream on…

5 thoughts on “GRATITUDE

  1. My sleep was troubled last night. I think I was stressing due to another snow storm over us. However, this morning as I look out my window onto a dimly lit world I do see a thin blanket of snow but thankfully not a thick one as predicted.
    Sleep is so very necessary for healing, deep lasting healing.
    I wonder at times if I’ll ever have that quality of sleep.
    I do not sleep deeply without a sleep aid and I wish I could.
    I was trained as a very young child to be alert always even in sleep. I had to listen for any footfalls making their way to my bedroom at night to prepare my mind for the impending onslaught!
    I’m thankful that now I am in a very safe and protected environment! I’m married to my beloved Marine and I know he’d do all necessary to protect me.
    Healing is happening tho I believe it’s happening deep beneath the recesses of my being in places I can not see. Sometimes I wish it were quicker!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s strange too….I haven’t had a winter with this many up and down emotions.
        May be in part to the grieving process I’ve been working this past year.
        May also be in part to the fact that we’ve had more snow already this year than ages!
        snow reminds me of being locked up with my abuser….
        However, I am determined to shake that off and put on a garment of praise for a brand new day.
        I have made sure we have all the necessary items in case the power goes out so that’s covered.
        I have plenty of crafty stuff to keep my mind and hands busy.
        and I know I’m loved and protected!
        Prayers for you my sweet friend as you nagivate this healing path you’re on!! I pray for flowers to pop up soon lighting your way bring you freshness and joy!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You have much loss to grieve. After my mother died I needed to see a therapist. I lamented the pain even after a year of losing her (despite the love/hate feelings I had for her).
          Luckily I had a smart therapist. She said that pain could go on 7-8 years. It is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong, taking as long as it takes. That took such a burden off my critical self!


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