TRIGGERED

When feeling taken advantage or treated dishonestly something in me is set off spiraling into the netherworld. Praying to god when waking, please take these worries from me… to no avail.

Getting up but avoiding the dastardly pill which works but makes me groggy all the next day, which then adds tears of self-pity along with it, the British Baking Show is again stared at.

2 AM is not a good time to be up and stay up. Trying to go back to bed awhile so that rising is more normalized with what most others do didn’t last too long.

Thoughts devoured me laying there trying to ease the badness felt about just everything, saying the wrong thing to someone, buying something unneeded, on and on, but? A quietness soothed me, not enough to bring sleep, but enough to feel some comfort, that part of me which has carried me through many storms of doubt.

Really, how does Kohl’s get away with theft? A costly item that didn’t work out was returned, but Kohl’s kept 25% of my money with the explanation that now I have a coupon and can go buy more of their junk.

How’s that? Being mistreated, stolen from, makes me feel bad about me. And there wasn’t anything to be done. IT’S THEIR POLICY, both managers side by side agreeing.

The failure of settling my thoughts, of allowing Kohl’s to disrupt my sleep brought me down, or more exactly caused a buzz of worries like gnats in my brain. More rational thoughts come while drinking my dark morning brew, like my friend’s husband who recently fell and broke his pelvis.

He has two screws in his hip and won’t be home till tomorrow. Now that’s something to worry about. But he’s not worrying. She says he’s up with a walker moving about. (already attacking the problem not worrying about it)

So, life goes on, along with this up and down sleep, worry, and pull yourself again pattern. There are harder things.

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