The madness of winter sets in digging her talons deep, scraping flesh from the inside out. The tendencies handled easier in the summer months hit with force knocking me down; hardness towards self, self-criticisms, soul bashing, being a being who hadn’t ought to be, all those killer thoughts worsen with shorter days and less light.

Sleep disruptions compound the problem, but more so this new connection with the origin family directed by Don, the master mind behind it. When all that is wanted is to be left alone.

Yet here it is, part of a dysfunction which cleaves together and some of what they do is talk about others who aren’t present instead of in person where it might do good.

It is a lot to handle. Feeling the failures of handling it in a way that is true to my soul causes dismay interfering with joy to be found in each day.

The wise being stepped in when waking last night as recriminations began to bloody my interior world- remember, this is what you do in the middle of the night. What about all the kind, generous things you do? Think of one.

Though unable to think of even one in the dark of night, being on my side, nurturing the chasm of pain still menacing from deep within, and stopping the freefall into the endless black hole of self flogging was enough to ease my ragged soul back to sleep.

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