My younger brother is stopping in today with his wife as they came from about 4 hours away to help another brother whose wife just had surgery. Not sure how to feel about it. I sent fancy gifts to all three brothers just recently. Then my critic kicked in chastising me for rewarding bad behavior.

Because no matter how much each one might protest, I am a shameful secret if I speak up about the facts. That for me has been the only way out of the gunk that burdened my tiny shoulders as a child and haunted me all my days until now.

Broken as a child, then whipped as an adult. The lashes over and over stingingly debilitating. Freedom taken by those who believe they have done nothing because they didn’t touch me that way. But grouping together in alliance and conspiring to silence me as a life sentence breaks a person too.

Getting too close to the fire burns, and feelings of wariness are relevant and need listening to. Family, or so-called family, are dangerous. My life began to expand and deepen into a peaceful safe existence only when keeping away.  

Family are Samuel, sons, grand-children, and friends. The origin family is wanted, craved for, desperately yearned for at times, but not trusted.

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