SAFE

Safe, feeling safer from those who do damage, the silent ones imposing silence on me. There is no way to have family of origin be part of my life. And though knowing this there continues to be a craving for it. But peace has been restored along with healthy sleep habits. Peace and freedom, something lost when interacting with those that muzzle me. Or consort with Tom.

The people who love me, who truly love me, don’t do that, and have nothing to do with the devil. Tom’s face, something about it. I see it in those that lie like Bill Cosby. Deceit on faces look similar.

The morning comes with peace filling me from the inside out as the golden globe rises above the hill. All is quiet. Oh how these mornings are cherished. A bird here or there tweets a hello as crickets in abundance still dance creating a happy drone.

Peace, hope, and love fill me once again…chasing away the terror of telling my truth which origin families do anything not to hear. And freedom. Freedom to feel my hand, notice the whiff of apple scent from the warmer, to be in my body as a whole person for more moments than not when focusing on it.

To remember, don’t go fast, slow down so all parts stay together. And know you are OK, not the problem origin family makes you out to be. You are OK, you are strong, beautiful and loving. And you have a right to be here.

(Seth’s email was permanently deleted before reading it as his defensiveness would hurt me drastically, and he has hurt me enough- I am safe from it.)

6 thoughts on “SAFE

    1. Your comment was so helpful. There’s a boatload of guilt speaking up as the training, albeit subtle, is not to.
      While out walking I kept remembering what you said which helped counteract the guilt of saying anything that might hurt another… especially Seth who reacts defensively so can’t hear me.
      His wife has chronic back pain, and he drinks, so has enough problems. Yet something inside needed voicing.
      It’s done. Can’t take it back, so need to accept that I have a right to speak my feelings. Thank you for reinforcing the most important job of self-care. The balancing act of self-care, and caring for others is a talent I’m still working on.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Its hard to do self care and yes, that guilt can creep in, which we have to fight. But you are entitled to look after you, in the way you feel fits, just as the next person.
        I hope you enjoyed that walk. Xx

        Liked by 1 person

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