Sometimes the thought of seeking therapy occurs, but doesn’t last too long. My ventures into that a few years back soured when she left me during a session to walk down the hall to the kitchen to get some treats for her dog that was caged in her office where I waited. Yup, really.
Any warm body that offered up some positive reflections about me would help because the mire blackening my soul comes within, from so many years of carrying the burden of feeling unloved, not cared about, or safe. Not feeling safe, a big one.
But then there is the question of ethics, or lack of ethics, and I’ve run into more than my share. Jack, who wanted to know if I was attracted to him. God no, he wasn’t Mr. America, also adding to the outrage of his statement that I was sexually abused due to my precociousness as a child. You go to school for that?
He was the first I would disclose the real reason for seeking therapy. His response was the very worst a person could say, uneducated and moronic.
At least my gut knew him to be very wrong. My search continued finding a very competent caring woman after that. But it’s tricky business, finding a therapist who isn’t stuck in their own idiosyncrasies or ego, in addition lacking morals/character.
It is that kind of job, where no one monitors you. Character is what you do when no one’s looking. And with a client it is like that–no one really is there of any importance or to worry about. Many, like me, lack self-worth and need to learn to have it which is why we go. So therapists can and will take advantage of that.
But without help survival might not have occurred. There was Raymond, now 30 years ago since seeing him. He did help. Maybe he pushed too hard, but successes occurred that went beyond imagination. Back to college to finish off another degree, then nursing school, but then he left, moving to Arkansas.
Isn’t that just great? But I finished nursing school and worked as a nurse for several years. After Mom died, I saw another woman who actually worked ethically with intelligence. But she retired not long after. She did see me through the worst of it so a long deep depression was spared.
It is a comfort to know therapists are out there if needed. It would have to get pretty bad to seek it out again. Muddling through things, learning on my own is OK for now.