SAY NO!

On my mind all week after speaking up to a ‘friend.’ Friend in quotes because we’ve not been able to really make a friendship although she’s in our little group that meets monthly.

“Is it OK if you pick me up at 10 of?” she emails after asking if she’d like a ride to our first get together in 14 months. We have done monthly gatherings on-line but this is the first in person gathering for me.

She has gone down to the coffee shop every morning for a long while, so quite the social animal. But has no problem making me late so that she can stay after church to chat with her friends. 10 minutes earlier and I wouldn’t be late to Chris’s, and her seemingly innocent question really aggravated me. Then the critic steps in, it is only ten minutes, she’s a widow, blah, blah, blah, my head battered and weary from the critic.

No way could my response be yes. For the first time, not only do my needs matter, but I must and do advocate for them. And it finally registered that in all the past years she has made me late every time so that she could stay longer with her other group of friends. She has been very wily about keeping that to herself, but Samuel goes down for coffee and has seen her there every time.

Saying no is so hard. What will the others think? What will I say when they ask where Rosalie is? But, but, but, what about me? What about wanting to see my friends, hug them, spend a lovely afternoon chatting, playing cards, and wiling away the time pleasurably? Plus the simple fact that I hate being late anywhere and avoid it whenever possible.

That is how hard it is to say no. But in doing it, more self-respect grows. In saying no to the inappropriateness of others I begin to become visible. That is a first. Being invisible is my motes operando.

Hiding because the real me is so detestable. No more.

7 thoughts on “SAY NO!

  1. Bravo to you! Yes, it’s great to speak up for yourself isn’t it? You could always throw guilt her way by telling her that she wouldn’t want to make you late, would she? She wouldn’t want to contribute to your being rude, would she? Creating new boundaries can be one of the hardest things to do.

    One of the most beneficial hypnotherapy sessions I ever had was around healing boundaries. Afterwards for the first time I could not only see what having boundaries meant (because I was clueless to begin with), but in healing the things that prevented me from having them I was able to put them out there and hold them.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m on a roll. Though it was so hard my body shook while doing it, I’m seeing other things I do that I don’t want to and now I feel able to say no to those things too. Your input is always so valuable.., and kind… : )

      Liked by 1 person

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