Guilt seeps in just by erecting a tiny boundary. A note to my younger brother via the video chat mechanism we talk on, “Do me a favor and call in the morning or afternoon. Even happy calls in the evening hype me up so much I can’t get to sleep.”

No answer as usual. He doesn’t bother to answer unless he wants something. And he wants Samuel to do a new electric panel on the house they just moved to. This from a brother who hardly bothered to interact with me over the past several years.

He was busy seeing his other brothers in one way or another. But now the reason for this repeated contact where it feels like I’m fucking being stalked settles in after much thought, and it shouldn’t have take that much thought. Because even over the winter when he first started pressuring me to come, he quickly added to the invite, “It’s a work visit though.”  

And I feel guilty?

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