DEPTH

PHOTO BY PATRICIA

It’s not too late to grow and change. It is late in life where most of mine occurred, and most pivotal after my mother died. It was then the truth was spoken with no one to tie me down. Her love was all there was, though it came with stipulations, not to talk my truth.

How does one begin to live whole, free, and alive if trauma bubbles within bleeding like an unhealed wound? It made me a puppet to other’s needs, pleasures, and wants, adding to that my fear of rejection.

My being has been a ball of anxiety still roiling up at times, but not always boiling as it once was. From a highly static, sparking robot to a more peaceful creature. Good to live long enough to feel this joy of just being, taking in my surroundings with appreciation without the buzz.

Only when I can see me, can I be me. And only when the talents, traits and soul voice are felt and honored can the opinion of who really matters float to the forefront— mine.

Beneath the anxiety, fear, self-doubt, terrible pain of buried horrors, and hate for self, is a person loveable, capable, and worthy. As worthy of life, peace, and happiness as anyone else. It has taken a very long time to get to this place inside that welcomes with warmth, acceptance and care.

A new year, a new me, anything is possible. Not out changing the world, but internally recognizing the possibilities and feeling the newness of what was always there waiting for me…me.  

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