It’s in the moments between activities that self-talk is so important. Time to just be is so hard, as doing replaces being. But being with oneself and being OK in stillness… that is the key and the path to joy.
With a life spent running this solitude is much like pre-Covid solitude. The difference? Happiness which equates to peace. Anxiety once making staying in my skin impossible, now calmed internally invites. With trepidation, then without reservation I go deeper.
Opening arms a little to oneself after a life of self-rejection is quite a miracle. Working through child-hood issues after being gagged from expelling them, took time. Time and repeated retelling of the very worst that as a child was forced to stay inside me, just as I was forced.
It took time, and it took brave courage unfettered because no one, especially the family I came from, wanted to hear—and still don’t hear. And I don’t care. (I do, but have learned to manage with what never will come) I don’t need them.
I need me, and those around me who truly support without fear. Not using silencing tactics, rejection, or suppressing my light in any way. I am the one that lives with me and will die with me. I am the one who needs to like me, and am learning to love all that I am.