OFF TRACK

If you can’t sit comfortably with yourself, then who? Off track so easily, the old habit is fleeing, a highly honed skill. But it backfires. How do you listen to the body’s needs if separated from it? How do you listen to your soul’s whispering’s if you’ve escaped from the core having hardly been there very long anyway?

How do you find your spirit if you’re continually leaving it, or letting it be hit by wave after wave of feelings without examination? Fear of what’s there keeps the harsh voices clambering. You fool, you’re not being fair, or a bigger person, or lacking in some way, the yammering hitting like a bat over and over. Open your heart that has clamped down with mistrust, negativity, and self-doubt. 

But take a look at what’s there without prejudice or judgement. Can you do that? It is hard but doable. And do so with curiosity not criticism. Because in understanding feelings honestly one can accept their being wholly… spots and all.

That Cory is away with his brother for a week is a good thing. That he seems to have stopped sending ‘snaps’ is not so good leaving me feeling out of sorts and left out. Snaps, for those like me unfamiliar with the latest apps., are short videos of present activities sent in the moment then they are gone, sometimes with embellishments and funny faces if one wants to be inventive. 

So the critic circles and dives like a vulture picking my bones with every swoop. Examine it more closely with gentleness. It’s a human emotion even if it doesn’t make any sense. No way would a long journey be in the cards for me all the way to the Cape even without the pandemic.

The pull to be with children and grand-children is very powerful causing me to feel things without even knowing them. That is love, permeating the air waves, extending into the universe… labeled intuition.

Why put that down? Accepting feelings helps greatly to understand both them and myself, allowing gentleness and love to swish in instead of harsh criticism. Then go on to other things. Taking a break for a walk in the meadow as the heat rises to the intended 90 degrees, my arms go around myself in a warm embrace, the needed caress reminding me of all that is loved.