Little Girl Me

My Secret Garden

Running out of THC has caused sleepless nights with groggy days due to having to take other medication for sleep. CBD oil on its own does not work. An added bonus unrealized until the whole plant oil ran out was my legs and how much better they work.

Huffing up the meadow hill, or even just around the house, painful aches with stiffness became highly noticeable. How can this simple oil be so helpful in so many ways? The rat brain cycle kicks in, that of negativity, round and round, over and over again.

The little girl at eight, all alone when loved ones attacked, growing to believe it was all my fault. The loud voice of blame attacking me by day as brothers attacked at night. Those voices bang loudly again.

Despair knocks as tears fall. Going through years of sleeplessness again after months when the miracle of sleep was blessed upon me is untenable. 

“I cannot handle this,” weeping without wanting to while telling Samuel about yet again another sleepless night needing to take a sleep aid.

Samuel says, “You can get a prescription!”

“No, I tried on-line,” crying more, defeated, adding, “It is too hard, and too complicated.”

“It’s not,” he said. “I looked. All you have to do is find a provider. Fill out an application, pay the fee, get a card, then you buy it from a New York dispensary.”

Tears fall more. He had already been on the computer after the first rush of tears when I’d left the room. The tenderness towards him touched a very deep place covered with mistrust put in place years ago.

The only way to survive was to protect what was left after brothers obliterated the essence of me. The spark nestled beneath layers of iron needed protection, a tiny ember below all the doubt, fear, and surety of the destruction to come.

Not the virus, though that can kill, but people. My life has been about fear of people. Because little girl me learned early what people can do.

7 thoughts on “Little Girl Me

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. I invite you to take a look at all the good people in the world who do wonderful things. Meditating upon this may help. Thanks for sharing.


  2. Holding you close. I hope you can get your card soon. It’s not very hard in AZ, and yes, I have found that it helps my day to day pain so much more than I ever thought it was. I was in the hospital for a week and couldn’t use it, my arthritis pain spiked!! Whew! I was glad to go home! I mainly use it for nausea and sleep, didn’t realize how much it was helping the rest. And I use high CBD strains, so I don’t have to have a ton of THC, but I do need some.
    Good luck. Sending good thoughts

    Liked by 1 person

  3. so very sorry………I have tried CBD oil several times, several brands and it did nothing for me. I am happy to read that THC works and I hope you are able to take it again soon……….people just can’t understand what it is like to live with PTSD, to relive horrid moments over and over again……..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope you get your card and oil soon! Wish I could get some here where it’s legal and mail it to you, but with THC in it, it would be illegal. I’ve tried plain CBD oil a number of times with it doing nothing. Maybe wherever you live will get onboard and legalize pot.

    Liked by 1 person

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