Falling asleep listening to the public TV station do a special on sleep seemed fitting. It was noted that those who deal with anxiety in the daytime show abnormal brain patterns during the night that coincide with their issues of insomnia. It is so for me, and something that needs to be accepted over and over again.
It is no wonder sleep eluded me after the news reports that it isn’t if, but when the coronavirus hits the US. Add to that a so called leader of the country who doesn’t lead, but instead says all it well because it makes him look good.
A pandemic is surely coming. Added to other worries my psyche goes on guard no matter how quiet a life I live. The only solution would be to dig myself into a cave and not ever interact with a human soul. There’s also the mixture of cabin fever crashing with spring fever causing a flux of chemicals chaotically popping in my brain.
It seems that every week or so sleeplessness hits even when adhering to helpful routines. It isn’t my fault though feels like it must be. It just happens. The show reveals how trauma causes chronic long term problems with sleep. The tendency to blame myself needs to soften because it is out of my control.
Staying in the present, using the breath coming into every moment, and being in the now, these are things achievable. And the gentle voice- it’s OK, you’re OK, is needed especially during those difficult nights.
The snow swirls as dawn breaks while the cat curls up next to me by the fire. On Monday’s walk snowdrops blossomed in the wild gardens by the creek, and my son saw a robin. Periods of peaceful days are savored that much more after moving through the tough ones.