Sometimes the most fear filled confusing periods are right before great change. But hanging onto to the boat in tumultuous waves without a life jacket feels so scary. Lost at sea.

Then homecoming, when the scent of the candle is noticed. Before it was in the warmer all day without the ability to absorb its aroma. Being apart from my body happens often. Being away from my center, a place that I’m only beginning to know and get comfortable with, feels more and more unbearable.

But home. Home where there is a place for me in all my seeming weirdness, where every person is unique, special and needed, every single one.

All my traits others don’t like are accepted because that is how I survive. And all my survival tools are admired, not scorned and hated. But I can cast off those that helped but now hurt. That is the battle raging, and the gap is closing. So close. So close.

From great despair, torn down to ash, she rises, over and over again…


3 thoughts on “SHE RISES

  1. I have a necklace I made with a phoenix hanging from it. I so identify with the myth of the phoenix. During my life, I have seen myself rise so many times. But since my husband’s long illness and passing away, I have yet to properly rise again. I don’t know why. Am I a scraggly looking phoenix whose time has come and gone to turn to ashes? Or am I ashes refusing to live again? I suspect the latter. When my husband grew more and more ill each year I railed at God. “You have got to be kidding me!” After the abusive childhood and abusive marriage and some other things,I couldn’t believe a loving God would let more trauma into my life. I lost my faith in God. Since then, I sometimes wonder if God helped me in the subsequent years. I miss God. Maybe to rise again like a phoenix you need hope. Anyway, I am pondering these things after reading your post.


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