photo by Patricia
How to keep the peace? Luxuriating in this period of deep, long winter sleeps, then? No falling asleep. I could feel it. I could feel the restlessness in my brain traveling to emotions with the chorus of warning bells clanging louder as the time sleep should have come— not coming.
A call from a loved one earlier in the day set the string of past memories in motion. Not one to let go of hurts, they pile up inside embedded into the already existing quagmire of brokenness.
Much effort has gone into reducing that ball of red-hot pain, cooling it, down-sizing it to manageable proportions. It has shrunk from molten lava…rage, to earth’s crust, mostly cool except for sporadic eruptions. When flaring, even a simple phone call ignites pain churning the unhealed turmoil. The bell dinging wouldn’t be soothed.
Just take what you need, don’t wait till midnight or 1 AM. Resigned to taking medication sleep came within the hour.
How to keep others from interfering with internal peace? Go deeper, or be less attached? The answer always lies within if you possess the courage to look. This is yet another FOG, another fucking opportunity for growth.