Peace flows in where tension preyed and sleep, blessed sleep comes with it, and gratefulness, hard to fully feel when obtrusive thoughts take over. Confusion mixes the bowl of mind and soul, the soul striving to drive the machine, the mind determined to continue its robotic ways.

But when the soul-spirit drives, forgiveness flourishes, and peace reigns.  For several weeks the same old song and dance that has held me for years when interacting with one individual returned again. The angst was unbearable as the thought was that I’d moved on, matured and conquered it. 

This insecurity will visit again and again and each time I must chose to rise, do better, and overcome. And each time is an improvement yet the pain incurred is exquisite. Growing pains. 

The thought was there was no one to talk it out with. But a friend far away came back with a response matching my own. Forgive. This person needs all the help she can get. And by the time the response came, I’d pulled myself up. But the venting of my truth immensely relieved the burden just in the telling. 

There was fear my friend would e-mail back a harsh reprimand, matching my own. I resisted the urge to apologize while waiting for a reply. That old message of always being wrong or bad was tamped down. My spirit needs to stand, and I begin to stand. It is a new feeling, one to cherish. 

The miracles occurring now, are ones many take for granted; being in the body and staying there without pieces flying about like busy electrons… acceptance, trust and love of self which naturally extends to others if one first feels it for themselves. These are just some of the gifts, and natural rights coming out of a healthy childhood, but early trauma with no intervention cruelly steals them.

To begin to have and feel them now? Though tragic not to have had them, I have them now, moment upon moment, and they are treasured.  

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