WHOLENESS

Each morning a reclamation. The warm patio cement against bare feet soothed and helped bring me back, but it took effort. Since age 8, being in the body was terrifying and impossible. Even now being elsewhere is habit and seemingly preferred. That is not living…not really.

Come back, come home. Gently chiding myself to come home, slowly the thinking parts relaxed into my body and it was OK, then better than OK. It wouldn’t be my choice to be me, yet that is who I am. Claim it, reclaim it again and again each time you run.

It seems a dangerous prospect as the body has its ways that are uncontrolled, and that is scary. It isn’t my choice to have my past and feel so unloved. Yet running from it carries with it the ability to love my self, lost with the running.

If you don’t know who you are how will you know what to love? It is in the knowing when the price paid for being born me becomes known. And it is in the knowing when the true talents, courage and fortitude it took to carry on are acknowledged and yes… admired. 

As the wholeness occurred the time spent in the cool spring sunshine lengthened and starting the day was delayed. This was the start, take all the time you need to rest, recharge, allow integration of mind, body and soul, and become whole. Do not be afraid. It’s OK. 

2 thoughts on “WHOLENESS

  1. I, too, have difficulty staying in my body. I haven’t felt comfortable in my skin since before the abuse happened at age eight. Even then, there was physical abuse. I grew up hating that I had a body that could be hurt and abused by others. My trauma lies in my cellular memory. When I get triggered, it is my body that’s the first to respond, usually with panic. My heart races, my breathing quickens and becomes shallow, I get migraines. My fight or flight response takes over. It is one of my greatest challenges, to learn to be present in my body, to love my body as the vessel for my soul. Moving mindfully helps, like when I practice Qi Gong or dance for the pure sake of connecting with my body. Thanks for sharing this post. It is a reminder for me to always be gentle with myself.

    Liked by 1 person

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