photo by Patricia
It is so easy to believe someone else’s interpretation of my feelings. Too easy. After discovering that self-imposed limitations had to do with another’s view rather than my own, claustrophobia takes my breath. Freedom is essential. Too much of my young life was taken, with heavy bodies on me and no way to get them off.
Juggling my own imperfections, weighing them when the need to set boundaries arise, makes me fidget with ambivalence. How much to let go of, and when to speak up? There is a time to speak. Yet the waves caused by announcing dissatisfaction with another, even a loved one, especially a loved one, cause high emotion with both.
The fight for boundaries throughout my life, especially when working around various personalities caused war torn exhaustion. It was a continual battle with no history or tools other than a childhood of victimhood against a backdrop of terror.
What is essential now is to have peace, yet a simple exchange can upset the balance and steal it. Certain things occur with unawareness yet the unconscious is provoked and the alarm system is set off. The struggle to keep calmness by using breath and positive affirmations are helpful. And sometimes it is just riding the waves until peace returns.