I don’t trust. A fact. The world is scary so unsafe. Even the vet who clearly loves animals is not trustworthy and the knot over my chest tightens. Going to bed the mental check list includes where the granulated aspirin is in case of a heart attack. Can emotions cause one? My guess is yes. Emotions play havoc on health and mine radiates over the heart, twisting and tightening like a screw. It can’t be good.
I hadn’t realized the stress I’d been under since taking the cat to the vet. Tests and more tests. She does love her blood tests. But let’s keep things in perspective, a dying cat doesn’t need X-rays of her chest to see how far the cancer has progressed since you aren’t going to treat her differently anyway.
The bill of $250 is enough. No I don’t want more tests in a few weeks that you keep pressing on me. You didn’t get enough blood the first time so the results aren’t reliable and you want more? I said none of this. All I did was thank her profusely for being so patient.
It’s a cat. Yet the pressure in my chest wouldn’t go away. It dawned on me. I love Molly dearly, of course this would be a big deal. Since childhood I’ve had cats to love and dote on, their purring settling me into a zone of comfort and love. No other being does that for me. Once understanding the magnitude of this I was able to allow my truth and not try to abide to what another might think of me. The pressure eased.
This morning the knot is gone. Molly is being pampered with whatever canned food delights her and as much as she likes. Her catnip rations are increased and she loves rolling in it. Her favorite thing is lying across my tummy stretching out sleeping with the warmth between us. I try to oblige as much as I can though there is work to be done and things to do.
We will get through this, her and I. Though I wonder how I’ll find the courage to be there for her at the end like the past two family pets, Sparky the cat and dear Oshie, our dog. Both graves are by the creek where Molly will eventually join them. Until then sticking to the present is the goal and enjoying every moment of her.