I am a sucker for holidays, celebrating each one, always have. With spring bounding in so early the Easter decor cried to be brought out. Cindy, Poppy and I made Easter Baskets out of used egg cartons. I think I have more fun with these projects than even Cindy does. Afterwards I watched them both ride bikes in the driveway while sipping coffee in the sunshine, brisk breeze and chortling birds, nestling into my soft coat and hat. Ahh, Spring! I feel renewed and ALIVE!
Still, the juxtaposition of wintry weather one day and warmth the next causes havoc with brain chemicals and my spirit. Old hard-wired habits arise, excessive worry along with repeated thinking about one particular negative thought like a gerbil in a wheel.
After previous work on these pesky rituals I am much better equipped to use the ‘Stop’ technique, and replace it with a positive thought or memory chalking up it’s presence to the change in daylight. Coming into spring takes adjustment as challenging as the winter doldrums and the acceptance of less light.
Sitting by the creek after a meditative walk tears come. My immediate reaction is to talk myself out of them and impose positivity. Then I remember Janet Cate’s recent post, a woman of great depth and wisdom. Allow all feelings. With permission granted, my mind, body and spirit settled and a wholeness was felt. Thank you Janet.
As the sun set in west a golden glow appeared in the east…
photos by Patricia
Spring in February? The birds say it’s so. The only trouble with spring is the brain chemistry going awry, up, up, up one day, then thoughts of calamity and doom the next… Tigger then Eeyore. Waking in the night brings odd thoughts that need reining in, and thoughts of the ‘family of origin.’ Comfort is found nesting in fictitious memories where love abounds, though day to day life excludes any interaction focusing only on those that accept and love all of me.
It is a daily chore to also focus on connecting with my body. Others seem so connected and take that ability for granted. Both fear and satisfaction are found in the groundedness of residing fully in the home of my body. The fear comes from the life long habit of residing elsewhere, perhaps my head, but also from pain and what will go wrong next or wear out. Satisfaction comes in tending to my body’s needs in a caring thorough way. (like other ‘normal’ people do)
The day erupts with unusual warmth and hope rushes in where winter gloom had permeated. Ten laps today. Samuel joins me while resting after my walk pulling out the canoe. The melted snow along with recent rains have swelled the creek over its banks. This allows for longer excursions. He brought his clippers to clear branches. We make it to the beaver lodge, then the pond area by the falls that the beaver created with his growing dam. Evidence of his work is everywhere. It is so noisy now by the creek since my bird friends have returned, a joyful ruckus that had long been silent.
Later Samuel delivered the grape pie to my son Shane and his family, but there had been enough filling to also make a hand held pie for Samuel and me… yum!
I threw out one casserole, but the rest have been divine. Samuel will eat some but wants a beef burger, not veggie. I love veggie burgers and am taking the time to cook them. Black bean burgers are my favorite so far, but these exotic lentil burgers with ground walnuts are scrumptious too.
It called for herb de provence which has a long list of spices, some I had, some not. Topping the list was ground rosemary and fennel. Easy, I can do that. And I added many of the others listed. What an aroma. I also hate peeling garlic, but a friend gave me a bag of fresh garlic from her abundant garden last fall and I peeled. There is certainly a much better highly herbaceous scent from fresh garlic. I am enjoying my escapades into this new arena of vegetarianism with a great deal of success.
The simmering Moroccan stew concocted yesterday was so different and appealing to my taste buds. I had ground many spices together adding a hefty amount of curry. Time was taken to finely chop or grate celery, carrots, peppers, onions and carrots. Rice, lentils, black beans and orzo completed the dish. I made up the dish and the name, but it worked. (unlike the casserole that was thrown out) I am not adverse to adding meat and this tasted good with cut up chicken breasts.
Today, a grape pie for my son’s family from the grapes harvested last fall.
The morning glow before the sun rises while the birds call is so pretty!
Record breaking 63 yesterday. Samuel and I sat on the front porch glider getting a tan holding hands. The latest snow is almost gone except a few patches here and there. I sit by the stove with my coffee this morning but opened the porch door to the red clouds as the sun rose. A chorus of ‘good morning’ erupted, one I haven’t heard all winter…
The red winged bird twilled
My heart swelled,
The winter shroud lifted a corner
And hope shone in
Feeling down and scared over a GYN problem plus symptoms of the cold or flu coming on, Samuel walks through the door with a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day! This quiet man with few words always manages to bring tears to my eyes when reading the cards he picks out. I hugged and kissed him before he even took off his coat. When kindnesses come when your feeling down it means everything! And of course, I love flowers, especially in cold, wintry February.
Mother and baby are doing well after the C-sect Tuesday. My daughter in-law was very brave to undergo a third C-sect. Even though I’m under the weather with fever, chills and malaise, joy took the day! My prayers were answered. Way too many attempts were needed to get IV’s going but the spinal went without a hitch unlike last time.
It is interesting how life can hold so much opposition at one time. Cindy’s glee and knowing they were OK over-rode all else. I was up in the night due to being so stuffy and drippy I could not breath, but still managed to make dinner for my son to take home when he picked up Cindy. I bought a flowering white azalea, put it in a ceramic blue pot, and added a huge silky blue bow. I even got out my glitter collection and made a plant stake with white sparkly hearts. That made it look complete and he took it back to the hospital the same day.
The feelings of relief and gratitude overflow… I’m a NaNa again and soon will rocking a baby…There is nothing better than that.