The Beauty of You

snowflake

The aloneness of abuse may be one of the hardest. It is not a ‘lonely’ like others, it is a scratching and clawing on internal walls aching for relief, making one’s spirit wanting to split from the body and it’s feelings.

Run. Get away from the feeling but where do I go? I lean on others and thankfully that got me through for many years until it was time to stop. With nowhere else to go but into the pain I ventured with curiosity and patience as it all came up, the sadness, pain and joy.

It was all there locked below. And I couldn’t know me or find me because I had been locked down as a child, surrendered to the will of the ‘family’ who was ashamed of their own who would do such things. So silence the child because no one should know of our shame. So she shall be ashamed. It is what will keep her silent.

It is also what will keep her from herself with no real friend because she is not her own. She is alone. It looks like she is in a family, but she is alone adrift from even herself.

And will she ever find ‘her’? Will she ever stop the harsh judging her family cast upon her that she then took upon herself? Will she ever love? Will she ever feel warmth, kindness, openness and safety? Will peace enter within where she is jailed and set her free?

snowflak

Dedicated to Alice

 

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14 thoughts on “The Beauty of You

    1. Thank you. It is hard to talk about the realities of how a family can treat a victim, victimizing her more even if unwittingly to protect themselves. It makes for a lonely life, one where family is found with friends and/or spouses and children because so called ‘family’ have agenda’s that ostracize the now grown victim. Once she gains the confidence and power to speak up she is all the more threatening. The ‘family’ fights back sharpening their skills to silence her. At least it feels like that.

      Liked by 1 person

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