You push and push. Why can’t you just let go, relax— breathe? Unwind the insides that travel day to day wound tightly coiled ready to spring into overload and overdrive. It’s been a week since the heavy snow dampened any willingness to walk outside along with the effects of a UTI on the body; it tires one out. And why wouldn’t it as it surely inflames delicate internal tissues.
Ahh, the snow tells a story. I plod along the path as some curls up and into my boots at the ankle. I should have worn higher boots or tied these but too late now, keep walking. Snapping out of the reverie where I tend to hover a voice of reason speaks, “Be here now.”
The chapters spill out before me in the muddied snow, bunny footprints across the meadow, and many deer prints. Samuel will not be amused when he learns a deer jumped up on its front feet to eat the delicacy of his rose bushes which rest right smack against the house. Atop the sullied snow farther down lay an array of dry pine husks where a buck rubbed his antlers against the fledgling tree. My body craves the fresh cold air. Has it really been a week? No wonder I felt robotic with feelings entombed.
On lap five after wiping rain off the Adirondack chair, I rested and lingered. Nature’s sweet offerings mend my interior even on this grey day and tears come. Come on, don’t cry, a voice dictates, while a gentler one grants permission to feel whatever is there without censor or judgement. Feelings are better up and out, soothing and satisfying, pushing me out of the head into my body livening the spirit. As the salty drops are released birds sweetly chirp in their busyness,“Hello, it’s OK.”
Rainfall makes soft pats on my coat but I won’t melt and stay longer. Feeling complete, tears spent, it’s time to go and prepare for my son and his family to arrive for our post-Thanksgiving gathering with turkey sandwiches and games. I’m able to be fully present, relaxed, exuding love and receiving love—whole and at peace. Thank you Mother Nature.