That has always been my belief in my core, be slim be normal. And maybe that’s why I don’t get there. Because if my life held no drama or chaos, then what? Maybe it is that simple. Love thyself, all else follows. Love thyself, then you are more able to love others fully. Love thyself, the body will flourish.
When slimness came at various times, the feelings of wrongness remained, maybe intensified. Where was the ‘normal?’ It is not about the outside shell but what emanates from within. Feeling bad, wrong and abnormal, the first knee jerk reaction to any interaction, pain follows, the pain of not being enough or as good as.
Food numbs the painful feelings, fills up the holes where ‘self’ evaporated. What if the feelings embedded into my child’s personality, the bedrock of self-hate, being bad, being wrong, change in a way that comes from the core, not the head? As the feelings of acceptance and loving myself loosen the mortar of self-hate, a well-being arises, and along with it a map to wholeness with the keys of permission to enjoy it.
Yes, it OK to be happy, to be at peace, not to live in chaos. Yes, it is alright. You can have the life you yearned for, to be normal, to be like how you see others live. It is within you at the very core. Just listen, learn and love, open up to all you have. You have all you need. Like Dorothy, you have what you need right where you are. You don’t have to go looking for it.
“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.”