How do you come back from that, defiling a sister’s body? You don’t. How do I forgive? I didn’t. The best I can do is forgive that I cannot forgive. And how could I? I needed to talk about my pain to release and forgive. I had to pay strangers to listen. For years I paid and did the work.
The pressure to ‘forgive’ came from those who don’t know of what they ask. Forgive. I forgive myself for being born. I forgive my body for responding in the way god meant it to respond. I forgive myself for loving them, the monsters of my nightmares, the brothers I loved and trusted who chose to commit evil acts against me. I forgive my mother.
But mostly the forgiveness continues for myself within as I take each day and make it the best and work at healing what others have done. A child who must contain such evil acts and live with her tormentors expels the evil in other ways unlike the person she truly is.
I look for her each day, this woman who is lovable, beautiful and free. I forgive what they have done by forgiving her and all the years of hating her. I learn to accept all of me with open arms, forgiveness and love.