Four pills a day, and crush them  for the next six weeks. Make sure you do it three hours after eating, then wait an hour for the next meal. And don’t take other medications until two hours before or after.

Focus. Use the oven timer. How else could one do this? A hammer lays on the bread board at the ready. My concerns of dying from a heart attack compete with the surety of bleeding to death internally due to complications from the stomach stapling done over 30 years ago…a time when it was first being done, and not done right.

My bright idea of stopping the acid blocker that the news touted heavily as causing Alzheimer’s caused my stomach to bleed again several weeks ago. I did not want to stay on it if I did not have to. I seemed to be doing alright as I weaned off it. But the bleeding started again. I will always have to take this drug and that is a hard thing to accept.

The four times a day medication is temporary with about two more weeks left. That is taken to help the present bleed heal and there are signs that it is working. If the surgeon had taken the time to treat me as a human that needed explanations, I never would have stopped the high potency acid reducer.

He was cold and abrupt, even chastising in his rebuke about my being sick and acting depressed. His assistants, both women, have taught me more about what is happening to my body than the surgeon ‘god’ bothered to do.  And though this knowledge terrifies me, I am better off knowing.

The surgical area done so long ago can no longer tolerate being bombarded with stomach acid. I’ve had pain from it for the last five years without knowing why. The constant tiredness I coped with for many years was most likely due to a slow, steady bleed. 

The Meloxicam prescribed for the impinged shoulder a year ago caused the bleed to escalate. I was unable to stand and went by ambulance for a four day hospital stay. For much of the stay the weakness was so intense that even talking to Samuel, who sat by my side all day every day, took more effort than I possessed.  

I should not have been prescribed any type of anti-inflammatory…ever. I was not told that way back when I had the surgery. Doctors today know this yet many are too busy to even read a patient’s history. And too many do not take the necessary and crucial time to explain and educate.

Future research includes scouring out a second opinion from a Bariatric Specialist. And it also includes finding a therapist that’s reliable; one who has some basic understanding of how an adult who has been sexually attacked as a child will build castles around their true feelings— and an experienced therapist confident in themselves and their abilities won’t take it personally. They are out there. Raymond was one.

Linda also helped after my mother died 7 years ago. I saw her several months and the only personal details I knew about her included the fact that she would soon retire and had grown children. She did not need to press upon me personal details to feel important or needing to flaunt herself. She focused on my needs and showed great kindness. So the search goes on…



9 thoughts on “GOOD CARE

  1. If you lived closer to my town (which I’m guessing you’ve figured out based on some things I said), I’d give you the name of my therapist. Even if she isn’t taking clients, she would know who to refer you to. Good luck!

    My therapist does share things about herself, but she always does so for a reason that has to do with my needs, not her own, it builds into what I am trying to talk about, rather than detracting from it, and she’s clear with me that it’s fine for me to tell her to stop talking at any point, if I don’t want to hear about it. I’ve also made it clear to her that I want a real sense of her as a person in this relationship with me and we first met in 1992, so we have seen each other off and on over a lot of years. Different things can work, what’s important is that the therapist checks out that what he/she is doing is working for you and adjusts when it isn’t!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. When she shared her past year of surgeries and how she had trouble getting information from the surgeon, it supported my own gut instinct about the surgeon I dealt with. I found that helpful and supportive. Unfortunately she went way beyond that. She has not responded and it is almost one week later.
      Nope, I don’t know where you live, but sure would like a referral if I did. Thank you for the offer had we happen to live near each other.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so frustrated for you. You deserve so much more. From your surgeon and from a therapist. There are good therapists out there, and good doctors too— ones who listen and care and don’t take advantage. Keep looking. Please don’t give up. You deserve so much better. Sending you hugs 🤗 and healing thoughts. Xx💟

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It is! I had a GI bleed due to a medication. Then another doctor put me on prescription ibuprofen for my joint pain for Lyme disease and muscle disease and aspirin for prevention of stroke. SoI just watch and wait because this is a direct set up for another bleed. It is so frustrating.


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