STEVIE

this-day

Hi Stevie,

Are you guys back at home home? How was your week at the lake? It was hot here so I was hoping you had enough heat to swim and have fun. 

Have you guys found anyplace yet to put an offer on? I hope you keep me posted on that front, it sounds so exciting. It must be really hard to find just the right place. I wish you all the luck in your search.

I wondered about the commission on our rental. You had mentioned previously that family could rent without paying that portion. I just needed some clarification.

Hope you and Terry are well,

Patricia

______________________________________________

After mulling this over and over since our stay at the lake near Stevie in August, I finally spoke up in the email above sent yesterday. I hope I did so gently and it scared me, causing a fireball in the pit of my stomach. I did it anyway and I do feel better because I spoke the truth of my feelings. My feelings are out there not running around in my brain over and over. 

I definitely ate too much yesterday out of fear of what Stevie would say. He made $450 commission from the house on the lake we rented. We drove 4 1/2 hours to spend time there so that we could visit him, and he made money off us.

I don’t expect a positive response, or a check in the mail, but I had to speak up. It’s not the money, it’s being treated like I don’t matter. I do not believe he’d charge anybody else, not Don, or Seth, or anyone in his wife’s family, just me. It’s OK to treat me second class. Tom made sure of that a long time ago. That’s my perception. Treat her badly and it’s OK. And I have taken up where Tom left off. 

I’ve been thinking and thinking about how wrong it is that he makes money off our visiting him. I am not trained to speak up for myself and it scares me terribly. Add to that the ten year estrangement Stevie and I had. I ate and felt too full the rest of the day. Not a good feeling.

I won’t do it today, or any day that he might answer, but he might ignore it just like he ignores other emails. Which is odd because he acts so friendly in person…but as I say that, not really. He is scary then too.

If I interrupt him he becomes incensed. So I become quiet. It’s not so much the interrupting, it’s that he wants and takes center stage. Because he began to interrupt me, held his tongue, then as soon as I finished cut in. So he couldn’t really hear what I said because he could hardly wait for me to finish so that he could speak. Not sure there’s much of a difference.

I won’t eat out of fear of Stevie. I won’t, not again.

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4 thoughts on “STEVIE

  1. I have learned that even the family that I feel I can trust, can still trigger those PTSD, and BPD symptoms to come racing the surface. The thing I have to do is learn to step away, and I had to learn to recognize when my triggers are pulled, and take care of myself, not giving in to the feelings.

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