Soar into the depths of your own being…
I have sought solace from others as long as I can remember. And it helps to lean on others when only an empty hole was felt inside. But it didn’t fill me in a sustaining way because I had not found myself.
And how does one do that when trauma keeps them from their center? When resting on the nectar of the soul is impossible because it is on fire not freshly swelling with honey.
I’m not sure what the path is for others. There are so many. I am not sure what led me on mine, but spirit, determination, and a dogged persistence.
I use the word ‘attack’ when speaking of childhood sexual abuse. Abuse? One abuses tobacco, alcohol, drugs, food, and so on. When a child’s body is used for the evil, selfish, satisfaction of one’s lust, it is an attack, not abuse.
Everything that a child has known is stripped away; trust, innocence, the ownership of their own body, their rights, sense of self, …their very soul is stolen.
Where did she go?
The child I was disappeared. Who I am I work to find. And I am finding her, though ‘she’ is not the same woman I would have been or could have been. That was taken. I accept what was done with deep sadness. My wishing for otherwise stalls the growing process and prevents enjoyment of the present moment.
I carry sadness. I also carry a depth of soul to be cherished, nourished and honored. I will do my best to honor my own being…