Waking at 2:30 am. Again? Something needs my attention. Four hours is not enough, but I will make the best of it. Walking along the road I remember the wonder of Spring, how alive I felt. What happened to it? I take the Summer for granted. Breathe deep. Enjoy the feel of the pebbles underneath my sneakers, look around, get out of your mind.
But of course my mind drifts to that zone where nothing hurts and everything is alright…safe. At the point where I turn around the tall poplars are beginning to drop their leaves, fall is coming. Grab onto what Summer is left.
I turn for the walk back forgetting to breathe in the scent of the pines because I’m thinking. Wake to the moment, that’s all you have. I feel restless with the usual past-times, puzzles, movies, and cooking, yet do all of them and more.
I finally go back into the studio after a summer respite from it. That beautiful butterfly needs grout but I need energy to focus to do it so. So I set her up on the wall appreciating her beauty and sparkle. Putting away assorted items that have collected, I light balsam incense. When everything looks neat for the next day’s work, I move on to another chore.
By day’s end I find myself. I feel peace from my angst. I walked, meditated and lived the day the best I could. The big questions of Why am I here, What is my purpose, go unanswered. But that is OK. I just am and my job is to learn to love myself, care for me, and care for my thoughts about me. That is my job. All else flows from there…