ADELE

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After the cardiology appointment I thought more about my needs, and how hard this past year has been. He believes anxiety played the main part in my last hospital stay. I wondered again about support and having a place where I can sort out my fears about my body and my feelings towards siblings. 

It was a gigantic step relaying to siblings about writing a book. Yet the ‘conspiracy of silence’ still exists. 

“Yes,” the doctor answered, after I asked if the mind and emotions can really speed up the heartbeat. 

“But I’ve dealt with high anxiety all my life. Is it because an older body can’t tolerate it as easily?” I implore him to tell me it is not ‘all in my mind.’ 

He looks at me steadily noticing I exist, then replies as he nods he head yes again, “Yes. But I want you to return in three weeks. We’ll see what’s going on. And schedule one more test on the way out. They should have done that in the hospital, an ultrasound.”

I agree, then leave thoughtfully. My heart racing over thoughts and feelings? That has never happened before, that I’d meditate only to have my heart race rather than slow. My body is telling me something important if that is true. That my usual methods of calming myself are not enough. Too much has piled up. 

How to reach her, the easiest way is to her website and I hit the contact button. If I don’t hear back that way, I’ll pick up the phone and leave a message.

Dipping my toe into the therapeutic process scares me. I do not want to give up my independence and all I’ve gained on my own, which is listening to my own voice.  I easily give my power away and get lost in another person, diminishing myself, losing myself in the process.

How to hold on to that while growing? How to take what I need and leave the rest…?____________________________________________________________

Hi Adele,

I am sorry for changing my mind, but after you mentioned not having time to get to know me and vice versa, that made sense to me. A few more appointments would be worth my time and effort. If you still have time next week I can come Friday and if not we can go into the following week. 

Patricia

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Morning Has Broken…

thank you Cat Stevens

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This little beauty seemed unafraid and I was able to go so close I almost touched him! I wish I could share the thick sweet scent that the butterfly bush emits which attracts so many, 4 on one bush today…

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14 thoughts on “ADELE

  1. I’m glad you called her back. I understand wanting to be your own person and not who others say you are or want you to be – but ‘no man is an island’. The trick is choosing our helpers wisely.. God bless you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think this was a wise choice. I also think that you are in a different place now than you were years ago, and you might be surprised at how you are able to hold onto your own power. I believe that therapy is about teaching us to find our power, so hopefully Adele will set boundaries to help stop you from giving any of it away. You can do this. Be nice to yourself, okay? Xx💟

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful pics!! Ideally, therapy can be a place where you can learn to be even more firmly yourself. I know that is what my therapist is trying to help me develop- the certainty that I don’t have to give away myself and turn myself into a pretzel in order to have connection. The experience of someone wanting for me to be me, not someone who is “easy” or there to meet my therapist’s needs. It has been revolutionary to learn that I don’t need to care take in order to be loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so pleased that you contacted Adele. I had loads of fears about my therapist last time (current therapist) and I “just” told her what they were… and after I’d voiced them they didn’t seem to be an issue. Strangely liberating I think, simply being able to say what we think. That’s something we didn’t have when we were growing up so it’s good to try to have it now we are “ALL GROWN UP” xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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