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It’s embarrassing how tired I get and how easily. Then I remember, be kind to yourself. Remember why. Years of cortisol bursting through my system has taken its toll causing the chronic tiredness. Since I’m usually up at 5 am, it is not surprising that by early afternoon I’m spent.

I love TV and movies, I always have, and use it to zone out, rest, and be in a place where my flighty body can unwind, every molecule. I have a great movie collection and with the advent of Netflix that collection has expanded. I play old movies that I know by heart while working at the kitchen sink or do other chores. It has been the greatest cure, the best, and cheapest therapy.

I can be wrapped up in the intricate goings on of humans, and the intimacy with which they interact daily, but do so safely, without setting off warning bells and the alert system. I can cry, laugh, feel feelings, and learn how others respond and react, but in the safety of my home.

Tired from a cardiology appointment and a morning spent chopping vegetables along with other household tasks, I pop in a movie. Today’s matinee is MARNIE, an old Hitchcock thriller that was way ahead of its time. It deals with sexual abuse within a family.

Although the premise is dramatically heightened to fit the movie goer’s appetite, the interaction with the Mother is spot on along with many other aspects. There has been nothing like it since. Why is that?

Adele called and wondered why I hadn’t responded to her text offering appointment times for next week.

“I’ve never texted in my life,” I reply, “I’m the only dinosaur left who doesn’t own a cell phone.” Although I recently purchased one for emergency use and was able to talk to my kids and Samuel during the last hospital stay. 

“Oh, that’s good to know.” She answers.

“After some time to think, I’d like to leave the door open for now, and call if the need arises.” I said.

“Well, the only problem is 2 months down the line if I see you, I don’t really know you,” she said, adding, “But we can leave it like that.”

“Thank you. I am comforted knowing you are there,” I said, “Thank you very much.”

And we left it like that.

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12 thoughts on “

    1. Oh, I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I hear so much about others terrified in the night.
      I am spared that, though sleep problems in general disturb my nights greatly if something is bothering me or my schedule gets out of whack.


  1. I just got back from 12 hours at the mayo clinic because my iron storage, ferritin, was 7 and should have been 200. I had to get an iron infusion. I so so know how it feels to just be exhausted. hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s good to know that she tried to respond and actually kudos to her for following up to find out why you didn’t get back to her. I bet that she texted you, thinking that it would be easier for you to have the days and times in writing to refer to. My therapist always makes sure that I have what’s offered in writing (text or if in person on paper) unless she sees me enter it into my calendar. However, it is very unfortunate that it was the wrong way to try to reach you and left you with doubts about her reliability. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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