LOVE HER

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I turn to food after dinner and wonder. Later the feeling of missing Mom lay behind the need. I want her to love me, because what love she had for me was more than what I have for myself. I need to love myself more than the elusive love of a Mother who never could love me the way I needed; or protect me, or allow the trauma of attacks to surface.

This little girl looks lovable. Can you love her, hold her close, listen to her? Is it OK to have a little girl inside a 60+ year old woman? ‘She’ is there whether I regard her or not. And mostly I do not regard her. If you were lovable you would have been loved. Other sisters are loved and fiercely protected.  

Bring her in, hold her close, listen to her. It is her that needs healing. She needs me. It is in her that that you will find your wholeness. It is in loving her when it felt like no else did that you learn to love thyself. 

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21 thoughts on “LOVE HER

    1. I look at the eyes, some photos possibly just after Dad died at age 8. The eyes seem as if they have seen more than a child age should have seen, and knows more, like an old sage.
      I’d like to feel fully loved…
      Thank you for saying that as I’m touched beyond barriers.

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  1. This is so very sad Patricia. She’s so beautiful and she wants her to love you so much Patricia… I’m weeping for my little girl now, too. Can you go to the river and make mud pies. Do something she enjoys and savour the moment. Talk to her. … it might help your little you. I also have to say that there really is no coincidence that the first picture is creased across the middle)
    Hugs xxx

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    1. I did go for laps and sat for awhile by the creek. Does that count? I’m doing all the simple things I love to do. Little things like watering my flowers or filling the birdbath bring me joy.
      On my laps I go by the birdbath quite close. The morning dove sitting in it didn’t fly away but stayed and just looked at me. That made today special…

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    1. Several bloggers have talking about the little girl, and keeping photo’s around. So I went to basement for this collection I’d framed years ago when a therapist suggested the same. They are all I have. But I feel more of a connection that I did them. More compassion for ‘her.’ I had no connection way back then…

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  2. “If you were lovable, you would have been loved.” That one hit me in the gut. How about, if people around you hadn’t been so messed up and fear filled, you would have been fiercely protected and loved. You are beautiful. Fear does a number on people. I’m still working on it.

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      1. In my own healing, I’ve been able to see my belief that I am defective, and how it was created, and realize that I was not a defective little girl at all- and heal the belief. I do this in hypnosis- a bit of soul retrieval.

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  3. I love that little darling girl!! What beautiful eyes! Truly portals to her soul. I love and feel protective of her innocence and openness to the world.

    After I went to a shaman for soul retrieval where she brought back soul parts (me at different ages) that split off in trauma, I was told to go into meditation and ask these Ann E. Lauries what would make them happy, what would make them stay, what they wanted. It was a great exercise. I remember feeling the one about the age of you in the first picture wanted a baby-doll because the one she had once had been broken and cracked in the head. I thought, Okay, I’ll get that someday. But I’ve got to find a good one. So I told Jack about this and then kind of forgot. That Christmas, Jack gave me a bunch of gifts. The first one I opened was a big beautiful baby doll, I sobbed with happiness.

    If our little ones are inside or close-by, imagine her joy in you recognizing her, putting her photos on this blog and hearing how much she is immediately loved! Yay

    Hello little Patricia Grace. You are the most loveable little girl.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh that Jack.
      Trauma surely does cause splits, shatters, and disconnect. I thought the eyes had seen more than a child ought to see, wise like a 90 years old, not a 6 or 8 year old.
      Good questions to keep in mind. “what do you want little girl?”
      I hope I can learn to love her and fully accept ‘her’.

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