I turn to food after dinner and wonder. Later the feeling of missing Mom lay behind the need. I want her to love me, because what love she had for me was more than what I have for myself. I need to love myself more than the elusive love of a Mother who never could love me the way I needed; or protect me, or allow the trauma of attacks to surface.
This little girl looks lovable. Can you love her, hold her close, listen to her? Is it OK to have a little girl inside a 60+ year old woman? ‘She’ is there whether I regard her or not. And mostly I do not regard her. If you were lovable you would have been loved. Other sisters are loved and fiercely protected.
Bring her in, hold her close, listen to her. It is her that needs healing. She needs me. It is in her that that you will find your wholeness. It is in loving her when it felt like no else did that you learn to love thyself.