download (8)

Feeling improved. No more runs to the BR after adding too much milk to my diet, then the killer, prune juice. Julie’s office and her business is bad. Things change, and too bad she has too. Or how the business is run with her more NOT there then there, only two out of the five days a week. She works for someone else the other three.

I went yesterday to get my stitches out but not before wondering if I could take them out myself. One part of the surgery I would have agreed with. The other part was unnecessary and done without any explanation, hence no real permission. Had Dr. Julie taken the time I would not have agreed with the second part which removed healthy tissue from the gum just to ‘see’ what was going on. Nothing was going on. But of course she knew that because she already said so.

Now the gum-line is permanently taken down lower, the entire problem with periodontal disease; receding gums. I didn’t need help with that. I also expected to see her to ask questions yesterday. But the way the office is now run means the doctor does not check her own work, the assistant does. And the ass-istant’s speech, the one she gave over the phone several times when I attempted to follow my instincts and opt out until getting a fuller understanding of the procedure?… The speech.

“We don’t operate without a reason,” she said like a mantra, or as if it were tattooed on her arm.

You did this time baby. Oh how I wish I’d replied, “I don’t need that speech again, I’ve heard it five times already.” But the most I could do was keep scowling, not look at her, and voice a few more concerns.

And Emmie? The secretary from hell?  I called once for a prescription. She was unpleasant and couldn’t do it. Would call back. Never did. I cringe every time she answers the phone.  She’s as ugly as her crude, nasal, uncaring, unfeeling phone on the phone. The one that sounds at the ready for attack, not helpful. Her pointed nose, and curled up lip match her mean, bossy voice. She butts in where she’s not needed or wanted, but I snapped back her at the counter when she interrupted. She retreated like a snake. Someone ought to kick her right down the hill. See why you don’t take me out among people? Most of them piss me off.

Done. Over. But the rest of the day was wasted because the Xanax made me so sleepy. But maybe that’s what I needed. I sat on the porch near sunset and rested while the sun warmed my whole body, arms exposed in my sundress. I felt comforted by the warmth like my cat does when she curls up in a splash of sun. Somehow she will find that one circle of sun no matter what window it is shining in through. I picked up the battery bubble blower and blew happy bubbles though I was less than happy, then watered the plants. Resting. Resting my body, mind and soul. The scowl felt permanently in place but has withered somewhat by this morning. I slept.

The day looks beautiful as the sun slowly works its way above the trees at barely 6am. I am always up with the birds, or too often right before them. Such is my habit. And I like being up mornings watching the day open, and settling down early at nights. My body likes it too, the winding down, relaxing of nerves, thoughts and pressures.

My gut does not lie. Listen to it. Yet sadly I know that in the future when I’m in pain and vulnerable, my options are to listen to the ‘experts.’ I hope I have learned that I can say NO, but when in pain that option becomes so much harder.


8 thoughts on “PERIO HELLHOLE

  1. I hate periodontal disease! I am doing better and wondering if I really need to have my teeth cleaned every 3 months. Haven’t found a local dentist yet but need to get on it.


    1. I returned to my previous dentist who is kind and takes his time. He also is caring but I guess I missed that. I should never have left him.
      As far as my perio doctor who I once loved? Her father and brother left the practice and now she is hurried and seems far more agitated. That explains the new anti-acid meds she is now on, same as me for my GI problems. Someone so young? People need to SLOW down…
      I hope you succeed in finding one you like, is caring and capable. Nice package to have but hard to find. I do believe the three month schedule is helpful but sometimes I do every 4 months. I suppose I’m lucky I still have my teeth.
      I told Samuel I think I will have general anesthesia and have them all taken out. He assures me I don’t want to do that. He had his removed about a year ago and is not fond of the dentures.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t stand those people you’ve had to deal with. They make me mad!! I wish you could find another office to continue with the follow-up and have on hand for further dental work.

    I love about the cat finding the bit of sun wherever it is. I’d like to be like that.

    I will involuntarily dissociate in certain situations of conflict. It can be demoralizing to look back and think, Why didn’t I say this or do that? But then I remember my PTSD system works the way it works and I can’t help it. I can usually go back later and take some kind of action if needed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is so glorious to hear! It took me most of my life living rigid before I learned that simple fact, that I can go back and take some kind of action or say what may still need to be said.
      I wish I didn’t have to go back either. That is why I thought about taking out my own stitches! Hearing your alliance warms me.
      Growing up as I did it is as if all of them are against me, and it all the ways that matter, ‘they’ are. To feel allegiance now is rare, special and honored. Thank you Ann.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s