Feeling improved. No more runs to the BR after adding too much milk to my diet, then the killer, prune juice. Julie’s office and her business is bad. Things change, and too bad she has too. Or how the business is run with her more NOT there then there, only two out of the five days a week. She works for someone else the other three.
I went yesterday to get my stitches out but not before wondering if I could take them out myself. One part of the surgery I would have agreed with. The other part was unnecessary and done without any explanation, hence no real permission. Had Dr. Julie taken the time I would not have agreed with the second part which removed healthy tissue from the gum just to ‘see’ what was going on. Nothing was going on. But of course she knew that because she already said so.
Now the gum-line is permanently taken down lower, the entire problem with periodontal disease; receding gums. I didn’t need help with that. I also expected to see her to ask questions yesterday. But the way the office is now run means the doctor does not check her own work, the assistant does. And the ass-istant’s speech, the one she gave over the phone several times when I attempted to follow my instincts and opt out until getting a fuller understanding of the procedure?… The speech.
“We don’t operate without a reason,” she said like a mantra, or as if it were tattooed on her arm.
You did this time baby. Oh how I wish I’d replied, “I don’t need that speech again, I’ve heard it five times already.” But the most I could do was keep scowling, not look at her, and voice a few more concerns.
And Emmie? The secretary from hell? I called once for a prescription. She was unpleasant and couldn’t do it. Would call back. Never did. I cringe every time she answers the phone. She’s as ugly as her crude, nasal, uncaring, unfeeling phone on the phone. The one that sounds at the ready for attack, not helpful. Her pointed nose, and curled up lip match her mean, bossy voice. She butts in where she’s not needed or wanted, but I snapped back her at the counter when she interrupted. She retreated like a snake. Someone ought to kick her right down the hill. See why you don’t take me out among people? Most of them piss me off.
Done. Over. But the rest of the day was wasted because the Xanax made me so sleepy. But maybe that’s what I needed. I sat on the porch near sunset and rested while the sun warmed my whole body, arms exposed in my sundress. I felt comforted by the warmth like my cat does when she curls up in a splash of sun. Somehow she will find that one circle of sun no matter what window it is shining in through. I picked up the battery bubble blower and blew happy bubbles though I was less than happy, then watered the plants. Resting. Resting my body, mind and soul. The scowl felt permanently in place but has withered somewhat by this morning. I slept.
The day looks beautiful as the sun slowly works its way above the trees at barely 6am. I am always up with the birds, or too often right before them. Such is my habit. And I like being up mornings watching the day open, and settling down early at nights. My body likes it too, the winding down, relaxing of nerves, thoughts and pressures.
My gut does not lie. Listen to it. Yet sadly I know that in the future when I’m in pain and vulnerable, my options are to listen to the ‘experts.’ I hope I have learned that I can say NO, but when in pain that option becomes so much harder.