I just happen to have a photo of my own field of purple cosmos…
I hadn’t realized how much stillness I needed. The toll a simple dental surgery took on me. Accompanied with the bursting of Spring into Summer. I don’t usually allow down time till later in the afternoon when my limited energies are depleted. But after errands, before noon, I put the movie I’d been watching back on and really watched it, rather than listen in the background while I putter. The Color Purple.
I cried several times, glad that my feelings opened back up again because I had frozen in time, body and place, that of an eight year old. My deep sadness slowly ebbs. Hope, renewal, and feeling back in myself returns slowly like a rolling tide. Stillness.
My mind says go, go, go, do, do, do, yet how do I forget each time? I need quiet. I need silence. I need stillness. No matter how hard I try, I don’t seem to reach that deep, deep place where the tide stills, where deep peace calms all of me. Where I can catch up on the beauty that surrounds me. I cannot seem to drink it all up or catch up.
There is a morning dove nestled into the clematis vine against the screen of our little porch two feet from my face as I stand watching the sun peek above the trees, creek and mist. The meadow is foggy with the morning dew at 5 am, layers of fog the sun will soon burn off.
She sits there looking right at me, eye to eye, and does not move. Not through 92 degree heat, not the windy rain storms, only when her mate takes a turn to sit on the nest and gives her a break. It was fun to watch her mate bring sticks to the dip in the vine she sat on, as she took the twig and poked it in under belly still laying there as she worked.
The hummers next to her zip back and forth to the feeder sucking down syrup as fast as I can fill it. As I sit on the patio, silly chipmunks almost bump into my housecoat as they scoot by. I’m so quiet they don’t realize I’m there as they scamper across the cool cement.
So many flowers are bursting I can’t keep up, flowers my friend Sue, now passed, had given me over the years. As I pull a few weeds around the sweet plants, I also think of sweet Sue with love and remembrance, loving her still as her spirit resides in me, and the plants.
That’s it. I can’t keep up. Life spins so fast. Here in my home I think I have to go back out, go to a movie, go to the mall, go do this, that or the other. No. Life is bursting right here. It is all happening right here. Stay. Rest. Heal.
Let nature take your hand and guide you. Enjoy this lovely home, with all its humble blessings that you have taken the time to dig into the unforgiving soil; soil I’ve loomed and sieved with sand, manure, topsoil and peat to make the rock hard clay grow things it wouldn’t naturally nurture.
Walk the quiet road. Meditate. Just be. In The color Purple two women walk in a field of purple cosmos and Shug says, “God wants us to be grateful. God gets pissed off if we walk through a field of purple flowers and don’t notice.”
Notice. Suck it up, drink it in, let it be. It’s OK. You’re OK. You don’t have to do anything but learn to love yourself, love your life and take care of you. All else flows from there.